


If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take

by TheElfsCauldron



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheElfsCauldron/pseuds/TheElfsCauldron
Summary: You lived a quiet and peaceful existence alongside your six siblings. Each of you tending to your father's throne in his occasional absence. Today was one such a day, and while your siblings ventured, your father left his ever-expanding realm under your watchful eye. But when something otherworldly happens to pull you away from your family, and even more to your dismay - your duty - the realm of your father falls into chaos and you awaken in a stranger's land, with no shelter and no familiar faces to turn to for consolidation.Meanwhile, a young princeling would want for nothing more than to be rid of his father and venture to the surface where the mortals lived. Young Zagreus is determined and optimistic to create a destiny of his own outside of Tartarus and away from the iron-fist ruling of his father - Hades.It is even beyond the Fates' own predictions that the two royals would meet one day.Could you find your destinies written within one another?
Relationships: Megaera/Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Megaera/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Thanatos (Hades Video Game)/Reader, Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Zagreus (Hades Video Game)/Reader
Comments: 22
Kudos: 144





	1. Parallel Bloodlines - Zagreus

**Author's Note:**

> "Stay faithful to the stories in your head." - Paula Hawkins
> 
> I've had the idea for this story in my head for days. Every time I play the darn game, I just feel the urge to write it. This is the first time I'm writing a story for the public to see. So... here goes something.

"That's the end of it," huffed Zagreus.

He watched with a sense of pride as the wretches he'd cleaved to pieces burnt away into the ground, leaving nothing but embers at his feet. 

Zagreus was finally beginning to learn his way around Tartarus. As much as possible anyway. Even the ever-changing and rotating chambers of the underworld still had something predictable about them. You walk in, bludgeon some foes until the gateway opens up to you and move onto the next chamber. Do this enough times and eventually, you'll end up where you want to be.

In doing this, he felt himself progressively getting stronger. Smarter. Every death and resurrection played their part in aiding the godling prince in his goals.

Zagreus had only just recently decided to take it upon himself to attempt to leave the world of the dead - as quietly and secretly as he could. At least, this was the case at the beginning.

After a while, it became common knowledge that the prince himself had been trying to escape the eternal shackles of Godly responsibility. His father made it more than clear how much of a disappointment Zagreus was. He wouldn't tolerate these escape attempts - even making it his prerogative to make it as difficult as possible for poor Zagreus.

Try as he may, Hades came to learn he couldn't sway, persuade, punish or frighten his son out of it. Such was the foolishness of childhood, and Hades resigned himself to believe that the prince would just give up eventually.

Failure would crush Zagreus and squash his goals much more effectively than his angry father could.

Too bad 'failure' was a word Zagreus omitted from his vocabulary. 

Zagreus took in a deep breath as he looked at the gateway before him. He felt more than prepared. 

"Let's do this..." he said to himself.

A quick dash through the gateway and his anticipation melted away. The chamber was empty save for an ornate fountain. Finally, a moment of respite. Zagreus drank from the fountain - feeling his life essence restored and his wounds mended.

"If I only I could bottle this up."

Unfortunately, poor Zagreus had to settle with drinking up as much as he could before moving on again. With his newfound vigour, the young prince trotted towards the next gate. His optimism shining.

The short rest did him wonders of good. He's ready to fight again. 

And this time, he'll reach the surface.

\--


	2. Parallel Bloodlines - Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You already know of Zagreus - the Prince of the underworld.
> 
> You know of his never-ending attempts to leave his home and family behind in search of something on the surface. 
> 
> But what about you?

"Watch over them for me, child. Out of all my children, I trust thee above all to keep peace and order in My kingdom." 

"Of course, Father." 

It has since been a month and three days since Father gave me his instructions. He was off to realms unknown and bare to create yet another kingdom.

I can't help but wonder where he found a passion for this. As if one Kingdom wasn't enough work to look after already. Perhaps it would be easier for me if my siblings weren't out always playing guardian angel to the common folk... Or playing hero, or war Sergeant, or whatever they decided they wanted to be. 

I wondered if I might desire to feel envy... But jealousy is such an ugly emotion after all. And besides, I loathe thinking what Michael would get up to if he were sitting on Father's throne right now... I can imagine he'd start an immediate effort to go to war with Gehinnom.

Auriel might do better... She'd keep things in good order. Somewhat... Actually, never mind. She'd be too impatient to sit here as endlessly as I do.

And Moloch... I don't think my wildest imagination could concoct something in league with his destructive creativity.

"Perhaps I am not counting my blessings. For surely I'd cease to exist if anything were to happen to these mortals..."

I rest my chin on defined knuckles, slinking myself into a marble throne, watching as the palace inhabitants around me move with purpose. So much to do, and yet I feel idle sitting here like this... I've yet to have a mortal seek an audience... Have they lost faith in me? Do they even need the royals to watch over them? Pfft. The world would sooner freeze over. Mortals always have problems - or at the very least, desires that only a divine can fulfil. It's odd that none at all have even asked.

Suddenly curious, I go to observe the realm for a moment in the scrying pool. Strangely, everything seems fine with the mortals for now. 

"Strange... Perhaps this is a sign of my good works." I shrug and continue to look into the pool. There is much to see. To have the knowledge of all the world laid out before me is a boon indeed. I see the lives of every mortal - their birth, their losses, their triumphs, their deaths... Life is fleeting and difficult for them. And yet... they do their best. They look after one another as best they can. 

"Father is a good teacher to them. Well, I suppose that's all there is to that. The realm is in perfect order. For now. But... what's this then?"

Among the busyness of the world is a spot of absolute stagnance... Unnatural quiet and stillness. So small and un-inhibiting you almost failed to see it at all. It is completely unnoticeable to the mortals below, but the more you look at it, the more it echoes with a sickly miasma.

"Moloch's doing, maybe? No, such a thing as this seems far too meticulous for his grandeur. Not enough death occurring for him to be involved. I'll get a bit closer and see it for myself. Isda! Assistance, please. Could you get Yahoel for me? Tell him to take my seat while I'm gone."

It takes no time at all for my chargers to find my brother to watch over things in the palace. 

I put on my robes and jewels - as a Divine, appearance is everything. I'd rather set a good impression of myself among the new generation of mortals. I haven't been seen by one in... well, since four- maybe five- civilizations ago.

It now occurs to me, that I should visit more often. After I've looked into this oddity, and when Father returns, Auriel and I can walk with them for a few thousand years. Perhaps we'd have them build another world wonder.

Turning my attention back to present matters, I can't help but wonder what this thing is, and why it was so hard to see. Perhaps it is something of Father's? Something new he's made. Though, he never told me about it...

The location is Luxor, along a beautiful and tranquil river that would be teeming with life around this time and season. Within the blink of an eye, I am there and searching.

Being a divine, such things as space or time are not problems I need care about. My arrival hasn't gone unnoticed though.

To them, I might seem a legend - a myth even - brought to life. Quite amusing actually. The very sight of me seems to inspire awe and reverence with the nomadic people travelling in caravans here. If they didn't have belief in me or my family before - they most certainly do now. Nothing like an ethereal giant to shock a people back into religious reverie.

Both fearful and curious, they follow and watch. I'd like nothing more than to bask in my own glory for a moment, but pride is so sorely frowned upon. And I wouldn't be Father's best if I weren't capable of casting away trifling emotions. Pushing away from the feeling of flattery, I continue on to where I remembered the strange anomaly had appeared. Without the use of the scrying pool, it's much harder to detect. But I can still feel it.

After but a moment's search, I find it. And... it's beautiful... As impossible as it is, it's otherworldly. Surely I would know what this is if it was something Father made. I've no words to describe what I see. It's beyond even my understanding, and it fills me with a sense of foreboding. 

And yet... I can't look away. I am drawn to it. To reach out to it.

To touch it.

Now, I know it's a trap. But what could possibly trap a divine? It is not of my Father. It is not of this world. I'm being pulled away by a power greater than anything I've ever known.

I suddenly feel so helplessly mortal. 

___


	3. A Princes' Wish Fulfilled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Spoiler Alert for anyone who hasn't escaped the underworld yet. Read at your own discretion*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to get a bit more of a hang on this! Please forgive me if there are spelling errors or incorrect grammar.
> 
> I am doing my best to write as much as possible every day, so I often miss those mistakes until I re-read the chapter the next day for a refresher. If you notice anything I haven't changed - please do let me know :D

Chamber by Chamber. Battle after battle. Death after death, after death. Zagreus found himself standing face to face with the infernal guard dog of the underworld. Cerberus looks to the young prince with curiosity and questioning. His three maws watering with anticipation.

Zagreus couldn’t fight his good boy. He had to think of another way to convince the hellhound to leave his post. Finding a stashed away inventory of something awful, Zagreus thought that this would be delicious enough for good ol' Cerberus. The foul-smelling contents of said inventory were enough to make Cerberus rethink his duty of guarding the gate.

“I know what you’re thinking boy. I’ll give this to you, but you have to promise to let me pass, deal?”

The monster conceded and Cerberus heaved his monstrous form off the ground, lumbering over to the prince, biting onto the sack of mystery from Zagreus’ grip. With a surprising yip of delight, Cerberus trotted off to find some private place to consume his treat. The prince now having free reign to leave this cursed domain.

He could hardly believe where he was. He was so close. Just one last gate and he was free. Free at last. 

He took a deep breath and tried to quell the rising feeling of nervousness from his stomach. He stepped forward with bated breath and crossed the final gate.

He was struck with crisp air, the sight of winter snow and the hiss of it melting at his flame-licked feet. He was struck with wonder-lust at the what little he'd seen so far of the surface world. 

“Wow…” 

Zagreus, spotting the familiar towering, blood-curdling figure of his father, cursed at the fates. Hades sighed at the approach of his son. Pulling his attention away from the snowy landscape, red eyes piercing into the depths of Zagreus’ soul.

“I should’ve known -” Zagreus began, “- that you’d chase me to the ends of the world to stop me leaving.”

Hades kept his temper, but deep within, his blood was boiling. 

“You embarrass me! It should not have come to this! Fool boy, did you think with your ransacking and disruption of the household, that I’d let this behaviour continue? If you insist on defying my law, then I have no choice but to enforce it myself.” 

Zagreus readied his blade. 

“My behaviour? Tsk. Let’s see. You’ve berated and belittled me every chance you could. You’ve deceived me, lied to me. Mustered your forces to kill me again and again. With a resume like that, you can’t possibly say I’ve grown up with good role models.”

He was not going to give up now. He came all this way, and he was determined to make it through. He had to. 

“I’m sending you back home. Now.”

Hades threw aside his stately robe, manifesting from nothing his own weapon. This would be a fight to the death. There was no other way. It was Zagreus’ freedom or the law.

Killing his own son, in Hades’ mind, was the lesser of two evils.

And so, they fought. They fought brutally. 

Hades was the most terrifying thing Zagreus has ever had to face. And for a moment, Zagreus thought it was all over. They’d been battling it out for who knows how long. The prince’s strength was wavering and he couldn’t hold his own for much longer. Hades’ strength was a deception. He couldn’t allow his son to see that he was losing this fight. If he faltered, he’d give Zagreus the motivation to fight all the more vigorously.

And suddenly, to the surprise of both combatants, Hades was felled with one hell of a lucky strike to the chest. He staggered, and knelt down into the snow, bloody ichor staining it.

“Blast you, boy. Do you think you are superior to me? You are a fool…”

Hades clutched his chest as death began to consume him. He looked up into the eyes of his son with what looked to be disdain to the Prince. Disdain that quickly turned to shame. Shame to having lost?

“Go… Go then! Get out of here! Just get out!!”

“I told you that I would, and I am going to. Goodbye.”

They looked into each other’s eyes a moment. Zagreus couldn't find pleasure from this victory, try as he might. Hades looked away from his son. His emotions impossible to understand.

As he lost his final ounce of strength, Hades mustered out the will to speak one last time. “If… if you find her… If you find her, tell her that… tell her that Cerberus is doing well.”

“Answer me this and I’ll consider it, father. Persephone. My mother. Why did she leave?”

Hades mouthed a quiet answer. Inaudible. What could he have said? What timing. 

Hades’ form dissipated into bloody ichor and dark, heavy fog as he died. Did he regret killing his own father? He couldn’t feel like this. What room was there for regret when he was standing before the vastness of the surface world? Free.

“I made it.”

One step after another, Zagreus traversed this winter wonderland. He took in as much as he could, remarking at everything he saw. It was all new and wonderful to the young prince. The world was filled with energy and life wherever he looked. There was no stillness and no silence.

He dare say it was even a little overwhelming at first. He kept thinking he’d seen faces in the trees, heard voices carried on the winds. He brushed it aside. This was the first experience he had of this kind. It was only natural for him to feel uneasy.

He kept walking. The cold air catching in his lungs, making him cough. He saw, for the first time, the sun. He felt awe. As he followed the light of the sun, he was led into a new kind of landscape. A fertile and lively meadow. Where the trees danced with the wind, and the brightly-coloured blooms kissed the sky. 

Amidst the condensation of life, there sat a modest cottage. The home of… a woman.

“This… It can’t -” He was speechless.

The prince couldn’t help but run. Was it her? The woman he’d just seen lifted her head and turned to see a stranger. Her eyes filled with worry.

“Who’s there?”

“Uh… Uhm. Hello…” was all he could manage. This was all too surreal.

“Hello, indeed,” she replied, “Who might you be wandering all the way out here? You’re trespassing on private property, you know?”

Zagreus took a step forward, his eyes taking in every one of the woman’s features. His heart was pounding. He tried to quickly formulate his answer as best he could, but he could hardly think at all. 

This woman… She was the whole reason Zagreus had worked so hard, for so long, to escape.

“I - Uhm. Are you Persephone? My name is Zagreus and I - I think… I’m your son.”

It was hard for her to accept him standing there before him. She never knew it was possible that Zagreus lived. Without hesitation, Persephone embraced her son.

“Oh, Zagreus… He even kept your name! You live! You live... My son.”

She tightened her arms around him, and he felt the overwhelming urge to weep tears of joy. There was so much he wanted to say to her. To ask her. For hours they just spoke to one another.

Zagreus finally came to know what happiness was. Everything he went through to get here - it was all worth it.

“I fought him in the end and won. He… he told me to let you know that Cerberus is doing well, mother.”

Persephone smiled and rolled her eyes.

“He said that, did he? Of course, he did.”

She smiled from ear to ear at Zagreus’ telling of the story. Part of her still couldn’t believe this was all happening. And never could he. He kept feeling he would wake up from a dream any moment.

Zagreus felt an ache beginning to grow in his head. His muscles weakening. He suddenly felt so tired. Persephone’s smile gave way to concern.

“Zagreus?”

He held his head for a moment.

“Ughn… It’s - it’s nothing. Just a little tired, that’s all. I’m not used to the weather, I think…”

Persephone looked like she knew that there was something more to it.

“No, Zagreus… That’s not it. You can’t stay here… You can’t.”

His heart sank hearing those words.

“You’re - you’re kicking me out? Why?”

“I’m sorry, Zagreus… If I could keep you with me, I- but it cannot be. The fates are cruel, Zagreus. You are bound to that place… same as your father… The fates would have us say goodbye…” She paused and suddenly looked more determined. ”For now.” A statement that had lifted Zagreus’ spirits. At least a little bit.

“How my heart breaks to see you leave. But I am so happy that we could be together, no matter how brief.”

She kissed his forehead and looked into his eyes. 

“I will… come back. Now that I found you, father - he must let me come back!”

“You tell him I demand it.”

“I will mother. I’ll tell him. I- I have to go…”

And just like that. The familiar feeling of death washed over the young prince. The sensation of water brushing against his skin filled him momentarily with apathy. He was moving along in the River Styx. Right back into the depths of his father’s kingdom.

The bloody water of the river Styx trailed down every muscle as he stepped out of the river and into the castle. He saw his father sitting at his desk, looking right at him. There was something different about him though. He even looked like he was curious about something.

But the thought of talking to his father after killing him was... well, awkward.

“Here we go again.”


	4. Overcome Or Succumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a bit interesting and difficult to imagine what it must be like to go from a being immortal, god-like entity to your average, everyday human. I thought the shift would be uncomfortable at best, and torturous at worst. 
> 
> But I think everyone would have a different idea of how this could be.
> 
> "What about Zagreus? When do we get to meet and flirt and do all that nice stuff?"
> 
> Soon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations from professor google for this chapter:
> 
> “Ηρέμησε, παιδί μου…” ("Calm down, my child...")  
> “Αναπνεύστε ... Απλώς αναπνεύστε.” ("Breathe... Just breathe.")  
> Paidí (Child)  
> Mitéra (Mother)

This was the first time I’d known fear… I felt it so deeply it overwhelmed me. So deeply, it was blinding. I remember running away from an invisible foe.

My eyes are darting everywhere. Trying to make sense of what had just occurred. There’s too much to look at all at once but I can’t keep track. I can’t focus. It’s all a blur as I scramble to take control over something… anything.

My hands feel like lead. I can’t grip at the tightness forming in my throat, nor ease the sting in my chest. My chest… there’s a beating heart there. There never used to be...

And all of a sudden, a painful realisation. Wait. Pain?

Suffocation. 

The world starts spinning. The blurry fuzz of a vague world starts turning into a vortex of confusing colours.

I’m suddenly blind… Suddenly falling. Suddenly feeling the gravity that used to ignore me before.

I can’t open my eyes. They’re so heavy. 

I’m exhausted.

My eyes burst open and the light hurts. I want to scream but I can’t. I’m not where I was before. As I look up, I see the wooden rafters of a small home. I feel the soft fur of a blanket over me, and realise I’m lying in a stranger’s bed. I struggle to sit up.

I feel - I feel hands. Someone else's. Holding onto my shoulders. Voices are drowning out in the panic I feel. My head hurts. It’s so loud. I can’t keep up with all these thoughts. I can’t figure this out.

What’s happening?

Where am I?

“Ηρέμησε, παιδί μου…”

What? I don’t - I don’t understand. I want to answer but I’ve never needed to use a voice to speak.

“Αναπνεύστε ... Απλώς αναπνεύστε.”

My eyes instinctively look over to the woman beside me... she’s tall. Taller than me… She’s no Divine… She’s mortal… and I realise something I could never have imagined. I’m mortal now too.

I feel sick. Hot. My vision is blurry and I’m - I’m…

Still… 

In and out of sleep. 

When next I wake, I still feel the panic. The knots in my stomach.

The woman by my side is very kind. I can see it through her eyes. Her soul is good. She looks so tired. The stress of her life makes her grey. I can’t justify her looking after me like this... She keeps saying things to me but I don’t understand. I try so hard to speak… but I can’t. I never needed to use my tongue to communicate until now.

But still, this woman has been looking after me. She tries to comfort me… She rubs my back when I cry. She hugs me when I finally manage to scream.

I’ve never heard the sound of my own voice. Hearing the emotions it carries makes me feel worse.

When I have sense enough to gather my bearings, I try to see where in Luxor I might’ve ended up. But this lush, humid paradise is - as I imagined - worlds apart from where this all began.

Wherever it is I am currently, the only things I’ve got are the now tattered and muddied garments of my home. Garments that were once radiant and regal compared to the dreadfully simple attire here… Those and the jewels on my wrists, ears, and neck. And, probably most fortuitous of all, an ornate, golden feather - my most treasured keepsake.

The days go on by, but they hardly feel easier. I’ve calmed down a great deal and even managed up the will to help the woman around her home. I feel incompetent with all of the things I don’t know. Mortals have specific ways of doing things that I never needed to be educated in. But I learn and help her as best as I can.

I’d be dead by now if it weren’t thanks to her.

I learned that she’s a mother. Her son comes to say hello to me frequently now that I’ve been here a while. I think I frightened him - all that crying and screaming. He’s very young but very smart. I listen to him speak with his mother. I’ve picked up some words from listening to his mom teach him.

“Fílos” he calls me. His friend.

“Thank you,” I say back.

“Ti?” He doesn’t know my words. But I smile at him and he returns it.

I feel so much endearment for this little child. I imagine that father must have felt this way about my siblings and me when we were first brought into his world.

This mother - I think she believes she is my mother too? She’s teaching me a lot. She’s patient with me even though we don’t understand one another. 

I’ve decided that this is what she’ll be to me. A parent. She performs the role so well, and I feel it’s what I need right now… until I can start doing things on my own again.

I find myself sorely missing Father… Does he know where I am? Was he the one who did this to me? I can’t help but feel I am being punished. If he truly were angry with me. Wouldn’t he have said that?

Perhaps this is all a test of loyalty. Of faith. Perhaps he wishes to know If I will doubt him. If I will blame him. I must prove that I am loyal! That I’m faithful. That through all tribulations I will be made stronger.

That is the only thing that’s given me peace of mind. Is that one day, he will come to take me back home. 

Every Night I fall asleep and pray he will.

\---

Even though I know time means nothing to a god, I can’t help but feel anxiety build up in the pits of my stomach. I’ve been here for 7 years…

A long enough time to learn a lot. The very strange language of this world. The location… I’ve narrowed it down to a small farming village nigh the city of Athens, Greece. Beyond that… I have no idea. 

I now speak the language and have learned the names of my new surrogate family. I can speak it relatively well, but I can’t read. It’s beyond me why women here aren’t taught how to read… Well, actually I do know why, and it’s absurd. But I ought to be careful of the things I say, lest some noble or high and mighty mortal takes offence.

Mother is Agata - she’s kind and caring. Perhaps a bit too tolerant of her little child’s naughty behaviour. The little child in question, even though not so little anymore, is Callister. I call him a tiny warrior. He’s braver and smarter than others his age. Agata says he has some Divine fate in store for him. 

And I learned a lot about the pantheon that rules this world - a pantheon whose members have yet to make themselves known… Their existence is dubious at best.

I’ve gotten into a routine. An hour past dawn and I’m up and getting myself washed and clothed. I’ve no urge to eat breakfast today. 

Greece is absolutely lovely this time of year. Not too hot, not too cold. The humidity is mild and the breeze is fair. I ready Agata’s horse and cart, getting Callister to help me load produce from our family farm. Once Callister’s safely seated in the cart, I hop myself on and crack the reins to get us moving.

“Wait a moment, paidí-”

Agata runs up to the cart, hopping onto it once the draft horse has settled.

“I’ve been wanting to take you to see Athens. I thought there’s no better time than now!”

She must’ve seen some hint of jocularity creeping onto my face and continues before I've even had the chance to open my mouth. She settles on the carriage seat next to me.

“And I don’t just mean the trading port, I mean I want you to see the inner city. We can visit the temple of Lady Athena, get some souvlakis… But I feel you really could use new peplos. think it will be a nice treat for you!”

“I don’t need… whatever that is, mitéra.”

“Nonsense. You’ve been working so hard. Honestly, you’ve freed up so much time for me to make a better life for Callister. There’s nothing in the world I could do to repay how much of a blessing you’ve been to me.”

As if on cue, the now 10-year old boy pops his head over the rim of the wooden cart to eavesdrop. I can’t help but chuckle.

“Agh! Stop it. Really, you don’t owe me anything. I love helping you.”

She raises a mischievous brow at me. A grin - cheeky as anything- started sneaking onto her mouth.

“Well then, as your mother, you can’t tell me no.”

“Mitéra…”

“Shut it, and drive!”

“Oh ho ho! Yes ma’am.”

I’m anxious to see what the inner city of Athens will be like. I’m more than aware I look nothing like the people who are local. I don’t want to draw in attention… especially after learning about what the people in these major cities consider justice, or even ethics, to be.

But let’s see.

It takes us some time to actually get to Athens. My route includes stopping at other artisans of the village to collect the goods that they wanted to be dropped off at the trading port. It was originally my idea to help our neighbours deliver their products and I’d take a small commission of their bulk sale. It gave us a small bit of extra money and saved the artisans a lot of time on travel.

When we finally arrive in Athens, it’s now close to midday. The guards on post recognise me before I’ve even entered the gate. Once our trade has been done, and the last of the goods have been offloaded, we get the draft horse stabled and we head to the city centre - the hub of city life and business.

It’s crowded, but not unpleasant. 

Most of the people are too busy worrying, dilly-dallying, or mingling to notice me or the family.

“Right! First things first. The temple of Athena. I know the practical part of worship is a bit new to you, but you still remember how this works in theory, don’t you?”

“Uh… sacrifices or offerings to gain the respective god or goddess’ attention? And then a prayer. Or something like that.”

“That’s right. I’d suggest we make a blood sacrifice, but I know how you feel about that.”

It’s a disgusting practice no matter how much I analyse or try to justify it. A dead animal? Fine. But a breathing one? I find that too cruel. Whatever god would take pleasure from inciting pain is no god I’d want to find myself associating with.

“So incense or oil?”

I, being too busy in my own thoughts, barely register what mother has just said to me.

“I...You’re making me do the offering?”

“Of course. The gods have been deaf to my prayers… but I have a good feeling about you.”

See. Dubious. Father or even my other siblings would never deign to be deaf to the plight of the people. We may not interfere directly, but at the very,  _ very _ least, we listen. And our mortals always feel better when they know they’re prayers have been heard.

“Uhm… okay. You know that I listen to you - you know what never mind. I know where that conversation will go if I pursue it.”

Agata tilts her head as a warning. To speak ill of the gods incites misfortune. Misfortune I have yet to see wrought on little, old me for the abundance of heresy I've spoken about them so far.

I look to the temple, the altar on its outside wall, and the various items offered to the goddess of wisdom, handicraft, and warfare.

“Neither. If I were a goddess in charge of such important domains, I’d want something simply pleasant. Something easy to enjoy. Something I could celebrate with. Red wine is too often used. I’d be sick of it after a while. I think I’d offer this goddess a spiced, honey wine. A foreign delight she might not have tried before.”

A couple of snickers and muffled laughs make their way to my ears and I realise there are others listening. I can’t stand knowing that I’ve been made to look like a fool just for saying my opinion. These people have brought a variety of libations and other potent smelling oils as their offerings.

“It’s a bit unorthodox, but… it’s your decision. If you want to offer that to Lady Athena, then I encourage you,” Agata responds.

I can’t believe I feel invalidated about making a ‘wrong offering’ to a god I don’t even believe exists. What an unnecessary the travail of being a mortal… to have the innate urge to always be right even when you are not. But I’m not wrong. These people make offerings to make-belief idles.

I, Being diving, meant I could just always be right… because I knew everything!

Excuse me, I still know everything. 

But not everything I know seems to apply here.

With a grunt and grumble I make my way to buy said wine from a Mediterranean merchant, balancing the liquid in its bronze cup as I walk. I return to the temple with the cup of wine and a handful of fruits. Fruits are at least a bit more usual and will save me the embarrassment of other nosy townsfolk.

I wouldn’t want to appear ‘unorthodox’…

“What an absolute waste of life…” I grouch as I add the offerings to the altar. I turn to Agata, ready to make my way back, but she gestures for me to stay. Right… I have to make a prayer…

I feel guilty. Father has been the only one I’ve prayed to in all this time. And now… I pray to some fantasy god. Would Father think I am forsaking him?

I’ll just be vague and non-committal… I’ll make it look to Agata that I’m trying to care about this. I can see how much it means to her.

“Alright… Uhm. I don’t know how to go about this. *Ahem* Excuse me, lady Athena. I am making a prayer to you so my mother won’t worry over my soul anymore. I don’t much care if you exist or even hear me. I’ll have you know, I’ve been doing just fine on my own… but if you do exists… then… Uhm… I hope you at least enjoy the wine? Uh…yes… Bye, I suppose.”

That was a poor execution… A dreadfully poor one. I could’ve been a bit kinder? Ah but she’s a goddess, after all. I’m sure she won’t lose any sleep over it.

I raise my head and turn around again to go back to Agata and Callister. But…

“What a trifling attempt at tradition.”

A gentle, harmonious voice resounds in my mind.

Oh no…

“I, despite your flippancy, found the entire display humourous. So, let us converse.”


	5. An Impossible Boon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zagreus is given a mysterious boon, finds himself able to wander the surface and meet a certain someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far into the story!
> 
> I did my best to make the experience in Athens as close to historically accurate as possible but... for the sake of interest some of the less savoury aspects of life back then have been altered for the enjoyability of the story. 
> 
> I decided to try and write as much as possible to keep the story progressing. I have full intentions to correct any spelling and errors as I go, but I want to save the full reread and editing for after it's all done.
> 
> I have an idea to turn this into a fan-made visual novel with pretty letter art, and fully-rendered illustrations.
> 
> But I gotta finish the darn story first!

“Will you ever cease to be a thorn in my side?”

“Maybe one day, you’ll realise just how good you have it here, Zagreus…”

“Is all this trouble, all this upset, is it really worth it in the end, Zagreus?”

His friends, his companions, his family… either against him in his goals or utterly indifferent. But he wasn’t alone. He was never alone. And now his ambitions were stronger than ever.

With the aid of Nyx and the Olympians, Zagreus could continue to make it to the surface. 

But never for long.

Mere hours. Hours that were swept away fast. He’d spoken to his mother in short spurts before his body gave way to death, and he had to once again start the cycle of his resurrection.

Zagreus made it as far as the hallway before Nyx stopped him.

“Take this with you, my child. I can’t shake the feeling that you may need it.”

Nyx took care in wrapping a black shawl around Zagreus’ shoulders. It somewhat embodied a starless night sky. He looked up at the goddess of the night.

“I know you are a very confrontational type of person, but remember that there is no shame in hiding in the dark. Cunning can be better than strength sometimes.”

“I’ll keep it close, Nyx. Thank you for your gift.”

Some hours later, the prince found himself wandering the chambers of Asphodel slower than usual. Wondering how he could circumvent the inevitable on the surface above.

His determination to see his mother again was still as strong as ever. Nothing could change that. But today, his head was full of ‘what-ifs?’

‘What if I could stay up there with her? What if she just came back home with me?

Though he knew it was pointless, Zagreus couldn’t help but wonder about these things. Into and through the next chamber he went. The defeat of all foes resulted in the familiar sound of another kind of gateway opening up. 

“A chaos portal. Can’t believe I didn’t notice…”

A brief scan of the area and Zagreus found it. “I can take it…” He stepped onto it, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt a small bit of his life leave him - a small toll for entering the realm of Chaos. When he opened his eyes, he was standing on desecrated ruins in a vast sea of stars, and in his mind, he heard the voice of that old god.

The god from where the entire world was born.

“Again, son of Hades, you return to me. It has re-occurred to me what I told you when you first arrived in this place. That it was my wish to make your attempts a little more interesting. We’ve met on many occasions, and I find I am not satisfied with how our arrangements have gone thus far. I have something a bit different in mind if you so choose to accept it. Respond.”

Not interesting enough? When Zagreus first met with primordial chaos, he was unsure of how this wily god would help him in his quest. Chaos offered him incredible powers in the short-term, but with a price. A ‘pick your poison, choose your curse’ sort of arrangement. 

A chaos boon would start anywhere from mildly irritating to incredibly agonising. And end it all with something that was worth it all along.

“I don’t see why not.”

A boyish smile leapt onto his lips as though chaos would impart on him some great secret of the universe. What sort of power was his offering that could trump any of the boons he’d been given before?

“Very well then. You’ve succeeded to reach the surface and yet you cannot remain. It is even extremely fortunate that Nyx’s shroud shawl adorns you. The fates couldn’t be more aligned. Here is what I offer: It is my wish to allow you the power to remain living for a time. I will grant you fourteen days above the surface to do as you please.”

Zagreus could’ve sworn he’d almost leapt out of his own body.

“What? I- I mean… that is… sorry to interrupt.”

Zagreus swallowed and shifted in his spot. This was exactly what he would have wanted. But what was the price?

“This is the only chance I’m giving you, son of Hades. Accept this, and all boons prior to our meeting will be purged. If you accept any further boons from the Olympians as of now, our agreement shall become void, and you will continue to die on the surface. Leave the underworld in one piece after being granted this boon, and you will have your fourteen days.”

Ouch. Zagreus could tell it would be near impossible to succeed without the help from the other Olympians. But he was already more than half-way through Asphodel… All that was left was Elysium and the Gates of Hell… If he played his cards right… he has to at least try! He would never have a chance like this again.

“Then I- I accept these conditions.”

Zagreus felt a strange surge of thick, sickening energy pass through him. The strength and power given to him by Athena, Ares and Dionysus were torn away. Chaos’ curse sank deep into Zagreus.

“Farewell, son of Hades.”

\---

Zagreus continued on with a mixture of excitement and anxiety as he made his way through the chambers. His battles become incredibly arduous. He had to be so much more careful now. 

But he was nothing if not patient.

And he took his time. Turned the other cheek whenever he saw a message arrive from Olympus signifying the aid offered by one Olympian or another.

He got through Elysium, and handled Cerberus in the usual way - his favourite treat! 

And yet again, the most challenging, most frightening obstacle in his path stood in his path. Towering and dominating.

“Hello, father…”

“Fool boy. Let us be done with this quickly. Go home. I have too much to do to be wasting my time up here with you.”

“Haven’t ever thought about just letting me leave, then?”

“Of course you say that… You’re a useless child who refuses to understand the way things work. You’re meddling in affairs that are beyond you. Let’s hope you don’t wrongly tempt the fates.”

Zagreus gritted his teeth but waited for his father to make the first move.

\---

It was almost as if Hades’ gave up before he even got started. He was careless. But it didn’t mean the battle was easy for the young prince.

And as he had done so a few times before, he yet again defeated his father.

“Ungh...the world you seek out there...it's even crueller than the one you know. One day… you’ll realise-”

Zagreus felt the pounding in his heart as Hades once again fell and returned home to Tartarus. 

He did it. Similar to his previous successes, but this time the rewards were greater. He could stay awhile.

He wasted no time in making his way back to his mother’s cottage. Feeling with every step he took, his chaos boon evolved. He suddenly felt so very happy.

“Zagreus!”

His mother cheered.

“I’m back!”

The young prince ran right into his mother’s arms, embracing her as if she’d leave him if he let go. He was so excited to tell her what he had done.

“I’m back and I’m staying…Let’s sit so I can tell you everything.”

For the first time, Zagreus could feel at ease and relaxed. He took his time to talk to his mother. They got the chance to ask each other the questions that weighed heavily on their minds. But neither of them could really find the answers. It would be by this time that Zagreus would return to the underworld and have some insightful input from Achilles or Nyx or even Skelly. Zagreus would be happy to wait to fill in the gaps later. Right now, all he wanted was to experience the surface world with Persephone.

“I’m amazed that you even managed something like that, Zagreus… It seems too good to be true. Oh! But I’m just happy to have you…”

The days that Zagreus spent with his mother was better than anything he could’ve asked for. He’d wanted dearly to get to know Persephone. He understood why she was well-loved, as well as sorely missed, in the underworld. She spoiled him rotten with the best food, a warm bed, and midnight tall-tales by the fire. Something he never had growing up with his father. Zagreus even helped his mother with her day-to-day activities around the property.

“Zagreus, I think you should see what it’s like out there.”

She brought up one morning while they were spending the morning together working the fields.

“I mean with the mortals. To see how they live and think. You won’t get an opportunity like this again.”

Zagreus scratched his head, wondering how he should feel about this offer.

“I’ve not heard many good things about them from father… I’m not sure how well I’d get along when they see… well… this.” He gestured toward his flame-licked feet.

“I don’t exactly look like them…”

“It’s a good thing Nyx seemed to have some uncanny sense of foresight then.”

Ah yes. The shawl that Zagreus still wore over his shoulders. The shawl of Nyx that allowed him to remain hidden. Or have hidden only certain aspects of Zagreus’ being.

With this revelation, Zagreus was much more willing to leave the home of Persphone for a day or two to explore. Having Nyx’s power at his disposal would allow him to remain unseen by the Olympians, and thus, protect the whereabouts of Persphone as well.

Persephone had given him instruction on where to go and what to do once he arrived.

The young prince had wandered so many things on his way to Athens. Would they like him? Would they bother him? Would he stick out too much?

“Zagreus, you think too much. One good thing I’ll say about mortals is that they’re far less complicated and vindictive than the rest of your family,” he imagined his mother saying to him.

He’d gotten quite used to the vast greenery of the surface world. But what he felt so amazed by, as he neared the city of Athens, was the incredible feats of architecture these mortals could achieve. He spotted Athens miles away. It did his aunt justice. He felt she must be incredibly pleased to have such an impressive city dedicated to her.

According to his tutor - Achilles- Athens was the birthplace of democracy. Where wisdom and judgement of mind where the order of the day. Things were run far better here than any other city in Greece. And indeed, this city looked like it’s denizens were rather affluent as a result.

As he entered the city for the first time, he was delighted by the hustle and bustle of the living men and women. It took him a moment to register that all of them were living, breathing beings. They were so different from the eerie shades that haunted the hallowed halls of his underworld home. The more he saw, the more he fell in love with it.

“In case you really appreciate it there, here’s some coin for you to buy a room with.” His mother offered. She must’ve known that Zagreus would want to take it in with a bit of time to spare. He needed more than just a day… And he had a week left on the surface. A bit of alone time to explore would be good for his soul.

His aimless wanderings did start to catch attention though. But thankfully, they just saw him as another mortal. Zagreus gave a sideways smile to a group of young women passing by him. They were eying him on and off for the past half hour. This was followed by nervous giggles and shy waves in his direction.

Zagreus cleared his throat, trying to wash away his own shyness as he continued to explore. Having so much attention did wonders for his self-esteem.

“It feels good to be desired…” he smiled to himself.

He spent a good hour browsing the town market. Many things were completely new to the young prince. Incense, fragrance oils, exotic teas from other cities outside of Greece. Silks, clothes, and jewels the likes Zagreus had never seen before. It was a shame the mortals couldn’t bring their possessions with them when they died.

Without any warning, someone had knocked into Zagreus and had sent himself hurtling onto the ground. Zagreus, unmoved by the sudden impact, just turned to see what happened. Zagreus couldn’t help but laugh at what he saw.

He held his hand down to help up the young child that had carelessly rammed into him. The young blonde boy took the help with gratitude and sang numerous apologies. 

Zagreus couldn’t help but find it cute! He’d never seen a young child before! Well, a living one…

“Ugh! Callister…”

Zagreus heard and looked up.

“I hope this will teach you to be more observant of your surroundings…”

A young woman, quite unlike the rest he’d seen so far today, approached and took the young boy’s hand. She looked exotic. Not from here. But he couldn’t place her place of origin.

She looked up at him with a smile and apologized sincerely.

But Zagreus was stumbling for words. 

He was taken by absolute surprise. He didn’t think he’d ever seen someone so lovely.

He wanted to look at her. Work out what it was about her that captured him, but couldn’t bring himself to. Wasn’t staring considered rude up here? He looked away and coughed.

“Honestly… it’s not a big deal.”

“Ah… Well, thank you very much for your generosity, sir. Callister, you ought to thank the kind man for being so easy on you.”

She nudged the boy to thank Zagreus. He seemed unimpressed and unwilling to acknowledge he’d done anything wrong in the first place. His thanks came out with a begrudging tone. He reminded Zagreus so much of himself...

She seemed relatively satisfied though.

“Uh - I suppose we should continue on then… sorry to bother you, sir…” She sounded unsure and reserved. Something about her smile made Zagreus think she was as curious about him as he was about her. Her eyes faltered and she began to lead the boy away.

“Wait, before you go…”

She stopped and waited for him to continue.

“Your name… I - sorry… *Ahem* My name is Zagreus. It would delight me to know your name, miss.”

She smiled again, told him her name, and went on her way.

Her name…

He repeated it to himself, amazed with the way it sounded.

It was akin to honey on his tongue.


	6. An Angel Divine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay finally. We get to be together!

“So let us converse,” I heard in the depths of my mind.

As I look around me I see the people, life, everything around seems so still.

“Worry not. For I’ve given us an abundance of time.”

It was enlightening to speak with Lady Athena. I realised after speaking with her, that all my suspicions and doubts of the Gods were, in part, incorrect. Well, about her more specifically. Knowing what I know about the rest of her family has me all the more concerned for my health if I ever bump into them one day.

But now I know that they are there, and they do listen. 

I can’t help but feel they resemble my own siblings and me when we were younger. How very chaotic and dysfunctional we used to be. But that’s not something I care to think about for now… The past can remain where it is.

Before I know it, Athena bids me goodbye and farewell. And time seems to have gone back to normal. It then comes to my attention that something now lies in my hand. A gold coin. One, unlike anything I’ve seen.

It feels… good to have spoken to her. It helped to lift a weight off my shoulders about everything that has happened to me. I told her about my struggles as a mortal, and how I miss home. Even though I never told her about my existence before being mortal, I felt she somehow knew and understood.

While this encounter has been helpful in its way, it has also given me so much more to think about. So many more questions. But at least now I know that there are higher powers who could help me later on if I dare to ask.

I turn around to look at my mother. She has the biggest smile on and I feel delighted to see it. I smile back at her, not wanting to give her anything to worry about.

“You looked like you were struck with a vision!” She says putting her hand over my shoulder, guiding me to the next item on our ‘to do in the city’ list.

“Uh- well. You could say that. Ahem. So, where to next?”

Her smile grows.

“I have an old friend whose husband owns a market stall. We’re going straight to her house. I want to get you something a bit more… elegant to wear.”

“Mitéra, your clothes are plenty elegant.”

“I don’t know if I ought to say thank you or feel sorry for you for thinking that…” She looks to the peplos she sewed for me with a bit of - I don’t know exactly… is that disappointment? 

“One thing for sure is that Dorota is extremely good at what she does.” She finishes.

I’ve seen mortals do this annoyingly often. This innate self-invalidation of one’s own character, skills, or creations… Even now that I am a mortal, I still don’t understand why this happens. Probably it’s best I remain ignorant of those workings lest I start to invalidate myself!

I look at my mother wondering what to say. I can see she’s waiting for one of my usual dialogues of questioning and rebuttal. It’s alarming that she expects me to fight with her on every aspect of life… including my opinions about clothes… and yet she still has patience and tolerance for me.

“Uh… I-” I begin, “Alright. If it will please you.”

“Oh! Well good! Here I thought you’d make a problem with me trying to do something kind for my daughter!”

“I don’t make a problem of everything, I simply wish to- Oh.” I pause. “I see why you would think that now actually… Disregard that then. Let’s go to Dorota.”

“My! Athena must have really imparted some wisdom upon you! I can barely believe my ears! You’re being strangely agreeable. I must say, I do prefer this,”

“For however long my good humour lasts at least....” I reply with a smile.

Agata, Callister and I make our way to Dorota’s house. It is quite a walk away from the main market square and our youngest family member starts getting impatient. Despite Agata’s pleas to have her son calm himself, he decides to run ahead of us to burn his energy. What can we do? The boy’s energetic. Play is just part of being a child.

“Ugh, Callister! That’s not the way! Wait a min- ugh… there he goes.”

“Haha! I’ll get him.”

I assure Agata and run after my brother. I see him look back at me smiling - the game, it seems, has begun! I shake my head and pick up the pace to catch him before he decides it’s a good idea to disappear into some crowd.

He bolts up a set of stairs and turns a tight corner, disappearing behind one of the homes.

“Cheeky little bugger…” I huff as I turn the corner, feeling the adrenaline from play rush through my veins. I can’t help the laughs as I look up to find him knocked onto his bottom.

Laughs that quickly die out when I realise what happened.

Callister just ran into someone - a very tall and musclebound someone. 

A soldier or something I guess when I look at him! That can’t mean anything good. I rush up to the man and try to gain confidence enough to speak well and remember to keep my manners.

“I’m so sorry!” I say as I approach, but the soldier seems to have his attention stuck on Callister as he helps the boy to his feet.

“Ugh! Callister…” I sigh as I pull him closer to me. I scan over the face of the man standing before me. His towering height is very impressive, and I feel at a loss of what to say.

I decided to simply smile at the man. When he instinctively returns it, I can’t help but admire the features of his face. I’ve never seen such a beautiful man… He seems close to godly, but… No. His uncertain demeanour and boyish grin suggest he merely is a mortal.

Captivating nonetheless… 

Thankfully, this one seemed more kind-hearted than the rest.

I turn my attention to Callister. He looks at me as though he were expecting me to berate him. 

I couldn’t possibly of course. I had as much fun as he did. Mother never lets us move around like hooligans at home normally. Says it’s not productive for a woman to train or exercise - leave that sort of thing to the men. 

“I hope this will teach you to be more observant of your surroundings…” I say raising my brows.

Callister sighs with relief and I look back at the young man - who had remained silent for the most part. It’s strange how he seems to think he isn’t allowed to look at me… I wonder if maybe there is something on my face? In my hair?

He eventually coughed and said, “Honestly… it’s not a big deal.”

“Ah… Well, thank you very much for your generosity, sir. Callister, you ought to thank the kind man for being so easy on you.”

Callister gives me a look as though to say he’d already done his fair share of grovelling, but relents eventually and says his thanks.

I can’t help but look at this man.

I want to talk to him more, but I don’t know what to say… Or even if he is at all interested in talking to me. 

“Uh - I suppose we should continue on then… sorry to bother you, sir…” I say watching him carefully. Wondering if he’d like to say anything further… and allow me to satisfy my curiosity a bit more. After a few seconds, I feel it may be rude to wait for an answer and begin to make my way back to Agata with Callister holding onto my hand.

“Wait, before you go…”

For some strange reason, it felt as though my heart dropped into my stomach and I suddenly feel really flustered. Flustered but also delighted. What on earth is the matter with me?

I stop and wait for him to continue.

“Your name… I - sorry… *Ahem* My name is Zagreus. It would delight me to know your name, miss.” He fumbles.

Zagreus.

My mind grips tightly onto the name. Strange. I may never see this man again, and yet I feel I must hold onto something as impermanent as a name just to keep the memory of him sealed.

I am delighted and honoured that he would allow me to know his name having only just met.

I smile and return the favour. I tell him my name. 

That boyish smile returns to his face. This must be the game of infatuation the mortals play with one another. The game of hints and guesses… This is probably one of the most enjoyable feelings I’ve had as a mortal.

This insatiable curiosity and desire for another’s attention.

It’s so consuming.

And yet I can’t help it.

From this exchange of names, I feel a bit more relaxed. I am certain that this man - Zagreus - and I will meet again. Until then, however, I feel my curiosities grow rather than feeling satisfied.

I steal one last glance at the beautiful man before making my way back to Agata. The whole while wondering about this dashing stranger. 

Agata isn’t blind to the red on my cheeks apparently. She gives me a curious look.

“I can see a lot is happening with you today…” she comments but leaves it at that.

All I want is to talk about this ‘Zagreus’ that I’ve just met, but I instead find myself looking around. Waiting to see if maybe I’ll spot him again. I need to stop. All this pining over a stranger is below me…

This is silly.

Hopefully getting fitted for a new outfit will take my mind off of it. 

Arriving at Dorota’s, she’s absolutely enthusiastic to see us. Before we’ve even walked into the house, she’s already run in to get wine to serve. The next hour is spent with Dorota comparing colours of fabric and cuts to my skin colour and body shape. Such an activity that feels all too familiar to me.

Even though I enjoy being fitted for beautiful garments, my mind won’t stop about Zagreus. It’s just delightful to remember the image of him, and the parlance he uses. It’s all very endearing.

While Dorota and Agata gossip away the afternoon, Dorota is hard at work with my new peplos. When Agata said she wanted me to have something nice, I didn’t expect it to be made for me from scratch. I’m impressed to see how well Dorota can talk and sew at the same time! Callister looks as bored as I feel.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask him.

“That man out in the póli. Did you see he had two different coloured eyes?”

“I did.”

“I think he might’ve been a demon or something!” 

“What?” I am surprised. To have mortals with heterochromia isn’t so uncommon back home. I expected it’d be the same here.

“But he was really nice for a demon.”

“I don’t think he’s a demon, Callister…”

“Well, sure you’d say that. He’s got his grip on you!”

I can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. We continue a quiet back and forth with each other while Agata and Dorota chat far past their time. Dorota’s husband returns home, and only at this does she decide it’s time to call it a day and head off.

I’m a bit disappointed… I was promised this - what is it - souvlaki? 

Dorota and her husband insisted that we take a small amphora of wine back home as thanks for visiting. A generous couple. I’m happy Dorota has found a man who isn’t so domineering. Perhaps Agata will find a man of her own someday.

Agata insists she carries the amphora despite any argument I make to help her.

“You just take care to carry the peplos! Don’t drop it.”

“What about me?” Callister asks, eager to assist his mother.

“Stay out of trouble and don’t run off again, how about that?” she replies with a huff. The amphora is clearly too heavy for her. She’s gossiped all her energy away from the looks of it.

“Mitéra…” I start but she shoos me away. 

“I’ve got it!”

Callister and I both look at one another. Did either of us do something so awful while the other wasn’t looking? I shrug my shoulders at him not really knowing what’s got mother so upset all of a sudden.

She’s struggling to carry the weight around.

By this point, I’ve had enough, and believe that a bit of divine intervention is in order. I swing around her to grab the amphora from her hands. I place it down next to Callister and turn to confront the ensuing wrath of my angry mother.

“What is the matter with you!? Can’t you see I have it!”

“PUT YOUR PRIDE ASIDE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!” I yell. Probably much louder than I should have. Thankfully the twilight has cleared most of the streets, and there is no one around to see such a display.

I take a breath and continue, “I’m not so young that I can’t understand your feelings or thoughts… I despise that you pull such a heavy weight around in your mind and refuse to let me help you. Please. My entire existence is to serve the needs of others… I have nothing else if you take that away.”

She stares at me. And sighs a heavy sigh.

“You’re a child,  paidí. It’s not your job to carry my burdens.”

“Agata, I’m old enough to understand. I’m not trying to solve your problems… only you can do that. But burdens shared are less heavy on your shoulders. Maybe you perceive me to be young… but I’m old enough to help.”

“It’s Dorota… She - she just…”

Mother, Callister and I sit together on the steps of Athens as she confesses her heart’s burdens. Dorota has given Agata the impression that she is doing so very well in life. She has a good husband. A thriving business. A beautiful home, and now a child on the way. And Agata… Agata is ageing and unmarried. With a bastard son to top it all off.

Callister, being as young as he is, understands the heart of his mother if not the weight such things carry in this society. He just seems determined to grow up faster to help her.

And I - well I feel perfectly content. Mother has been carrying this on her shoulders for the longest time. The only way for her to move onto brighter things is for her to realise her struggles and then make the efforts necessary to overcome them.

“You are the kindest person I know, Agata. Dorota is a lovely friend, but sometimes her words are strung with barbs. Tis just her nature. It doesn’t make her less of a friend, and it doesn’t make you less of a valuable woman. But what are my words? You can only believe what I say if you, yourself, come to accept the truth about yourself. The good and the bad.”

She gives me a tight hug when we finish talking.

“You are truly a blessing in my life, paidí. You speak with Athena’s wisdom… Thank you for this. I never wanted to break down into tears on such a happy day.”

I roll my eyes. Can’t my wisdom ever just be my own? Thankfully she doesn’t see. She stands up and grabs the amphora.

“Somehow I feel I have strength enough to carry the world! Let’s head home.”

Well, at least she feels better. But carrying the amphora goes as well as I expected it to. Long and tedious. Thankfully, a kind-hearted stranger makes himself known to our little family and picks it up right out of her hands.

A stranger that is, in fact, not so strange.

“Zagreus…” I smile.

“Hello…” He smiles back.

“You know each other?” Agata asks. I explain about what happened earlier with Callister, omitting the small detail of him ramming into Zagreus. I love the boy enough to keep him out of trouble.

“Why are you still wandering around? It’s going to get dark soon.” I say as he helps carry the amphora to our cart.

“Ah… well, it turns out all the inns are fully booked. Truly I have nothing else to do for the moment and I saw you here… I thought I’d help, and well… say hello. Again.” He says as he gives me that same boyish, charming smirk.

What luck.

“Oh, you poor boy. Of course, we are very grateful for your help!”

“He can stay with us, don’t you think?” Callister interjects. He has a devilish look about him as he says this.

“Uh- well, we do have a spare room. But we usually rent that room out to travellers… It’s not that I don’t appreciate your help, I just…”

“You need the money. Of course, I understand. I have 2 drachmae… but I’m not sure if this will be enough?”

Both Agata and I pause to look at Zagreus with awe. How on earth did he manage to come across such a sum looking as worn and weather-beaten as he does.

“I’d have to agree to that!” Agata blurts out happily as she jumps onto the cart.

“MOTHER! Don’t take all the poor man’s money! What kind of operation do you think you’re running here?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I won’t have much use for it after tomorrow. I’m heading back home then, you see. And if it can help you guys out… I’d be glad to give it to you.”

“Such a kind boy! Are you sure you don’t want to rent that room a bit longer? We can give you a meal a day as well.” Agata attempts to negotiate.

“I… well, I wanted to take a day or two to explore the city. But I think that the smaller towns hold more appeal,” He says while looking directly at me. “I’ve come to find the people there are… something else.”

What a sweet talker. How lucky he must feel right about now.

He helps Callister onto the cart, and I get myself settled, cracking the reigns and starting us off to home. Agata and I discussed the day’s events - what I thought about the city and the life there. It’s not so unusual from what I am used to. Though, having spent seven years in the countryside, I decided I much prefer the peace and quiet. The open spaces.

Every now and then I turn my head over my shoulder to see what Zagreus and Callister are up to - both being strangely quiet. Callister is fast asleep. I nudge Agata to look and we both giggle at the boy’s ability to sleep anywhere.

Zagreus is just looking around as if he were seeing the world with fresh eyes. He must not be used to living out in the open fields like this. My glance at him is brief, but somehow I feel as though there is something more to him. I have to do a double-take. 

There definitely is something different. But I can’t quite put my finger on it.

He must’ve noticed and looks at me with a smile.

“Hi…” He says sheepishly.

“Hi?” I reply prompting a laugh from Agata.

How awkward…

It isn’t long before we arrive back at home thankfully and Agata gets Zagreus’ room prepared for him. I help get Callister to bed and rejoin everyone in the kitchen at the end of the night. The three of us share some wine and exchange small talk. It’s pretty dark out and Agata retires to her room. I decide to finish off a cup of wine before I leave to my own room - and to keep our guest a bit of company.

I’m amazed that this strange man hasn’t behaved in any of the same ways a ‘normal’ man in this world. He’s quiet and reserved. Well-mannered. I look at the way he sits. The way he holds himself. It’s so akin to royalty or nobility, and yet surprisingly humble. The air around him changes the more I look at him. It’s very cold. Still… but his demeanour is warm and coltish.

He looks at me. Our eyes meet and I smile at him.

“You keep staring at me,” he points out.

“And you keep trying not to look at me,” I reply, “Am I so awful to look at, Zagreus?”

“NO! No. Not at all. Quite the opposite actually…”

“Oh…” My smile grows, “I’m flattered.”

“So, would it be inappropriate to ask you to tell me more about yourself?” He asks, moving his chair closer to mine.

“Not at all. Ask away.”


	7. A Kiss For A Golden Feather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took me a bit of time to get through this one... Not sure what happened but I found I had to really drag myself through the first half of the chapter.
> 
> I am hoping that when the story is complete, I'll have the time to go over it again and add more to it and republish it with some pretty art or something. That would be fun, no?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes for this chapter:  
> *melas oneiros - Black Dream. the personified spirit of nightmares and one of the sons of the Goddess Nyx. https://www.theoi.com/Daimon/Epiales.html

For the first time in a long time, the young prince was able to enjoy a drink with delightful company. He found himself having a lot to say to her. 

She was alluring. 

Her words coiled sweetly in his ears whenever she spoke. He loved to listen to her stories because she told them with such imagination. Whenever she stopped to take a sip of her drink, he’d take the chance to ask her another question.

“We’re talking a lot about me… Come now, Zagreus. I’m also curious to know about you. I have questions of my own.” She interjected before he had a chance to ask his next question.

He smirked and agreed.

“You must be some sort of noble-bred… Aren’t I right?” She asked.

“Uh… haha. What makes you ask that?”

“The way you walk with your chest barred to the world. The way you sit. The way you talk. Very reserved and proper.” She replies, “you act as though you didn’t have a care about anything. Normally the common folk are always babbling about problems and worries whenever they find free time.”

“You make it a habit of watching the habits and petty foibles of others?”

A strange smile stretched across her face as if to say she took great delight in doing exactly that. “People are interesting…but you never answered my question, Zagreus.”

“Okay, fine. What would you say if I told you I was a prince?”

“I’d say that was believable if there weren't already princes accounted for in each major city.”

“Well, I’m technically not from Greece.”

She looks him up and down, with her eyes landing on and studying the ground near his feet.

“So where else would you be from? This world isn’t such a big place that you have many options of nationality.”

Zagreus chuckled nervously and cleared his throat. He took a deep sip from his wine.

“But you are a prince?” she tries to confirm.

“That is true, yes.”

“But you’re not willing to tell me the ‘Prince of what?’ part.”

He just smiles at her. He sees her turn her attention to something else in the room. He can almost hear the cogs of her mind working as she thinks of her next question.

“You know, I could be considered Royalty too.” She finally said, and Zagreus nearly choked on his wine, “About seven years ago, I was doing some… sightseeing… at an arid trade route known as Luxor - ever been there?”

Zagreus shook his head. 

“Well, I don’t recommend it. I got kidnapped. I think. I don’t really remember what happened. I was looking around for something, and I stumbled upon the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. So incredible I couldn’t even describe it with words. I touch it and poof! All of a sudden I’m waking up in some forest clearing not far from here. With no idea of how I even got here or how to get back. The funny part of it is that no one here knows anything about a place called ‘Luxor’.”

“Forgive me for saying so… but that sounds…”

“Outrageous? I know. I made it up.” She giggled. Funny. Because part of Zagreus felt that she truly believed it. “Come on, nothing you can tell me will be crazier than that, will it?”

“You’re playing games to make me confess.”

“Confess? Is your princely origin so immoral that you must withhold any mention of it?” She laughed much more heartily this time.

Zagreus smiled at her jovial attitude. He didn’t want to avert his eyes away from how her eyes danced with happiness whenever she laughed.

“Yes! Exactly. It’s awful and I don’t want anyone to endure what I endured!” he joked.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. Taking the loss, and making peace with the fact that he wasn’t willing to divulge his past with her.

“Alright, fine. Have it your way, Prince of Nowhere. But it’s getting late, and us mere common folk need our sleep to continue on with our endless toils.”

She put the cup down on the table and gave Zagreus a playful wink as she passed. She stopped at the door of her room.

“Goodnight Zagreus.”

“Goodnight.” 

He was smitten.

She played around in his thoughts the whole night. The young godling never needed to sleep for sake of recovery of energy. He slept to dream, to pass time in the endless immortality that being a god offered.

The prince wondered what it would be like to have her wandering around the House of Hades. Ultimately, the prince knew that it’d be a lifetime before he’d see her again. If he was lucky enough to bump into her in the endless chambers of the underworld. If he’d even recognise her.

But it made him happy to think about her in the present. And think about her, he did. Throughout the night and straight on till dawn.

Zagreus was up earlier than everyone else. Helping Agata to start her morning chores.

“She’s still asleep?”

“I try not to bother her…She’s worked harder than anyone I know to get this family on its feet. If you’re wanting to talk to her then you’ll be waiting a while, young man. It’s very seldom she wakes up earlier than noon.”

“What do you mean she got your family back onto its feet?”

“Huh! What a story. The girl is rather quiet, but if you haven’t noticed, she’s very smart.  _ Very  _ smart. Smarter than any woman in this day and age should be allowed. She managed to work out how she and I could make enough money to cover our most basic survival costs, and it worked out so well, we… Well, as you can see, we now have a very nice place to live. A farm that has rich soil and lovely neighbours. With all that cleverness, I think comes a lot of hubris… a frowned upon trait in the eyes of the gods.”

Zagreus chuckled as he listened. It was a very unique combination of traits that culminated into this intoxicating individual. Intelligent, charismatic, beautiful and she knows it too.

“I’m sure the gods would forgive a little hubris… especially since she seems to care for you and Callister so dearly.” He replied.

Agata scoffed.

“I wish it were so… but unfortunately she’s too stubborn to stop. As a result, she suffers the sort of night terrors that… Well, are incomprehensible to me. Such things could only come from  melas oneiros*. I’ve told her to throw away that stubbornness and make peace with the fact that the gods watch over our lives - for better or worse - and that she has a responsibility to be respectful. But she was adamant to forsake them. Until recently, that is.”

“Oh?”

“I took her to the temple of Athena the same day we met you. I can’t even describe the marked difference it made in her attitude.”

Zagreus was intrigued. She didn’t believe in the gods at all. Most mortals were devout and loyal to the gods.

“That’s a bit surprising. I would’ve expected her to believe in your words. Having been raised by you.”

“That’s probably the problem, you see. She’s not my child. I found her wandering the fields in a panic and delirious. She looked like she’d been ravaged by wolves or something. I pitied her and took her in seven years ago. I don’t know anything about her life before then. Whatever beliefs or ideas she has were instilled before my time with her.”

“So, you don’t know where she comes from? Or what sort of life she lived before?” Zagreus asked.

“I have no clue. When I found her she spoke in gibberish. A language which I’ve never heard before. It took her years to learn how to talk to me. And when she finally could talk to me, she told me the most outrageous stories. But she seemed to believe it so adamantly. ”

“Did she ever say where she was born?”

“Never. Just that the last place she remembered being in was Luxor, but there again, I’ve never heard of it. Honestly, who’s to say she’s wrong. I’m certainly not well-travelled enough to deny her that.”

“Neither am I,” Zagreus admitted.

She just became more and more interesting. Not from Greece. So from where? She didn’t even believe in the gods. Which was so odd, considering their existence was evident everywhere you looked.

\----

It was just before noon, as Agata had mentioned, and Zagreus' new person of interest had just come to help out in the fields.

Zagreus had taken it upon himself to settle the energy of the boisterous Callister with good old-fashioned martial training. The young boy was all too eager to learn how to stab things with a sword! Zagreus trained him for hours while Agata tended to the gardens.

When she popped out of the front door, Zagreus’ eyes immediately darted to hers, earning himself a nice whop in the shins with a wooden branch.

“Argh!” He yelled and bent down to grab the branch so he wouldn’t get hit again.

Callister found it all too amusing.

“Love is a strength and a weakness mom says. Thankfully for me, yours gave me the upper hand in this fight.” Callister cheered.

“Yes, yell out so the world here’s it, you little ruffian…” Zagreus’ just shook his head, hoping it would get rid of his sudden flush of embarrassment.

She gave a little wave to the two of them and went over to help Agata.

“It’s kind of gross that you keep staring at her like that when she’s not looking.” Callister chimed in.

“I’m not staring! I was… stealing glances. That’s a totally different crime, kid,” Zageus rebuffed.

“Both are weird, sir.”

“Oh shush and fight me, already.”

Callister couldn’t shake a stick at that logic! If he could whack a stick at someone or something, then he was a happy child. Zagreus, though… started feeling impatient to take to his new friend.

She spent a lot of time helping Agata with the garden, surveying the house for anything that needed to be fixed… all of these were a man’s job, and yet here she was taking up the task for her mother’s benefit. Adopted mother at that. Zagreus wondered if he might be so inclined to be more generous with helping Nyx in the future.

Eventually, she comes around to get Zagreus and Callister for dinner. Callister is the first to rush inside at the mention of food.

Zagreus and the young woman hang back a bit. Both wanting to extend their time together a bit longer.

Zagreus was almost sad that he had to leave and return back to Persephone tomorrow.

“Callister looked like he was having the time of his life with you today. You know, he’s been begging me for years to train with him like that… Even if mother agreed to that to begin with, I fear I might end him with a thought!” she joked.

“Oh yes, yes! Since you’re so clever. In all honesty, with such enticing beauty as yours, I certainly imagine something like that being true,” He sang as he quickly stepped around her playfully. She smiled as she turned to keep up with him, “You have the beauty akin to that of a goddess, my dear.”

“Oh… Ahem... Thank you, Zagreus, that’s…” She laughs nervously before changing the topic, “On the topic of me being very intelligent. You’re right. I really am. I know  _ everything _ . Well, almost everything.”

“Don’t say that too loud. You’ll make one of the gods jealous. Hey…” He stopped for a moment to carefully consider what to say next.

“Yes?”

“Can we do this again later? Tonight I mean… There’s so much I want to say and ask you about before I go.”

“Of course, Zagerus… I’d honestly love nothing more.” She blushed. A sweet smile danced on her feature as Zagreus took her hand in his as they walked back inside.

As before, the night was filled with chatting and drinking. Callister and Agata retired to their rooms for the night. The other two sat outside on the grass beneath a star-filled sky.

They talked for hours about this and that.

“You said you know everything before. I have a little test for you if you’ll humour me.” Zagreus grins.

“I’m game. Let’s hear this test of yours then,” She replies.   
“I want something, but I’m not going to tell you what it is. Let’s see if you get it right.” He shifted his weight so that he was leaning ever so slightly closer to her, and she looked right into his eyes. He could swear she could see him for everything he ever was, is and will ever be.

She studied his face and she suddenly looked nervous. She looked away and locked her eyes onto something in the distance.

“Well?” He asked patiently.

“You’re not new to this game, Zagreus… This game of teasing and flirtatiousness… Why you want to play such games with me is-”

“Irrelevant. You’re charming, beautiful and you humour me with these silly things. Now I know you know the answer to my test. So, why not say it?”

“Because I’m not really… I’m - I’m melancholic knowing you have to leave soon. I don’t want to start something that will lead nowhere.”

“It doesn’t have to. Don’t look so glum,” he encouraged as he used his index finger to guide her face gently to look at him again, “It doesn’t have to go nowhere… Now, what was the answer?”

“Let’s say… for the sake of surprise that I don’t know the answer…”

Zagreus chuckled and leaned in.

“Hmph! Cheeky…”

Zagreus left a loving kiss on her cheek and whispered into her ear, “This is my gift to you before I go. Don’t forget me…”

The rest of the night moved on in a blur, and before he knew it, Zagreus was on his way back to Persephone’s cottage.

His sweetheart insisted that he take a keepsake along with him on his journey home - to give him good fortune.

She’d gifted him the most beautiful, ornate golden feather. It seemed like the type of decoration a woman would clip into her hair. 

He’d only travelled a few hours, but already his heartfelt the grip of forlorn.

He was starting to miss her already. 

Footnotes for this chapter:  
*melas oneiros - Black Dream. the personified spirit of nightmares and one of the sons of the Goddess Nyx. [https://www.theoi.com/Daimon/Epiales.html](https://www.theoi.com/Daimon/Epiales.html)


	8. Dreams Of A Fallen Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Thank you to Congratsoula for helping me with research and answering all my Greek-related questions. I’m so grateful for your help and the late-night exchange of ideas we had to get to this chapter! <3

"Well now, let’s see how long this one lasts. Welcome to the family, kiddo.”

That annoying drawl… Moloch’s overly arrogant and self-infatuated character invades the darkened privacy in my mind.

“Don’t go near. You’ll do well to stay away from him, you hear. He’s the reason the last ‘Sahra’ Qael’ was killed.” Yahoel warned. Where is he? I hear him but I can’t reach out to him.

“The last what?” I asked.

“The last Sahra’Qael. The sibling whose shoes you will now fill. And fill them well, or you’ll earn yourself the same fate.” Another voice echoed in the dark. It was Father’s.

I thought I would be accustomed to hearing it. But every time I hear his voice in the vastness of my mind, my stomach unsettles.

The darkness gives way to a dull haze. A melancholic grey mist. It’s so difficult to make out the scene unfolding. I just experience the heavy exhaustion of having just woken up. 

“What did they do wrong?”

“They didn’t do their job,” another voice answered. 

“Auriel!” I yell out. The melancholic mist escaping from me. The grey structures, the ghostly figures - all of it evaporates and I’m left atop a rolling hill. 

I gasp for air at the sudden feeling of needing to breathe. Ultimately relaxation and calm enter and my nerves quieten. Looking out at the grassy meadows fills me with contentment. 

The grass displays shades of vivid green and the wildflowers are all in full bloom. When I look at the sky, I see the brilliant hues of the cosmos. There is no sun, but there is no lack of light. The stars, the milky way, the neighbouring planets all visible in this little paradise.

I recognize this place.

Home.

“This doesn’t have to go ‘nowhere’...” I hear and turn around suddenly.

“Zagreus...” 

“We could be together… but you’d never let that happen, would you?” 

“What?” I take a step back. 

I feel as if I would be caught red-handed in some mischief if father were ever to find out about what I’ve been doing… What I’ve been thinking… And now that Zagreus is here - there’s too much risk.

He will know I doubt him… that I disobeyed. That I’ve abandoned him and my siblings.

“I can’t.”

“No… Don’t do that to me! Why give me false hopes if you never intended to be with me?” Zagreus yells out.

“You’re just like any deceitful mortal, sister…” Moloch’s droning echoing in my head again.

“You shouldn’t be here! Father made this place for me!”

“Don’t be so harsh on the young man… look at how much he loves you…”

When I look at Zagreus again, I see the hurt in his eyes at the rejection. I feel awful. No matter what decision I make, it all ends badly. 

“This is wrong. You know why I can’t do this…”

“But it’s delicious, isn’t it? To lust? To hide away with the man of your dreams? To disobey father so that you may finally do as you please? You could get to experience carnal pleasures… desire and satisfaction… Absolutely delectable…”

Zagreus walks up to me, caressing my cheek with his hand. His touch burns my skin. His eyes pull me into his kiss, but I’m afraid.

I can’t pull away.

“Take this chance to be with me… you’ve already given me your heart,” Zagreus whispers, “But I want more than that…”

This is just a trick. I try so hard to push it away. I grip onto the fabric of Zagreus’ toga and do my best to push him away. The despair etched into his features as his form dissipates into nothing breaks my heart.

“It’s your fault! You’re the reason I can never be forgiven!!” I yell out.

A cold, sort of inky blackness starts swelling at my feet. 

The confusing whirlwind of dreams mixing and blending in with one another. It’s hard to keep track anymore of where I am.

“My fault? I was just doing my job, sister. My Domain is deceit, lies…I am the divine of tests and punishments... but you, everything that Father did to you was earned. You’re a divine and yet you cannot withstand the tricks that so easily fool mortals. Just like the last Sahra’ Qael. Don’t despair. It will all be over soon…”

Suddenly submerged in the overwhelming blackness. I know this is just a dream…

Just a dream.

But like all other dreams, I find that I cannot even have control of anything within my own mind when I sleep. I’m trying so hard to wake up.

I feel pinned. Always pinned into a nightmare.

“How disappointing.”

Father…

“Here I thought I couldn’t make mistakes, and yet...”

“You didn’t make a mistake with me! I didn’t do anything wrong!” I yell out.

There’s a ringing noise growing in my mind. I’m clasping at the locks of my hair hoping the pressure will numb the pain.

I feel like I’m going to die.

The piercing pain in my mind ebbs away.

My sister… my best friend embraces me.

She keeps me steady. She pulls herself away for a moment and wipes away the tears that stain my cheeks. I didn’t know that I’ve been crying.

She looks at me with sickening pity.

Don’t look at me like I’m powerless… I’m one of you!

“I’ve convinced him to give you a second chance, but…” 

Before I know it, the sudden breaking of bones, dislocation of joints and the rip and tear of my back muscles cause me to scream.

When I try to pull away, she holds me down. She won’t let me escape.

As the angel of justice, she holds me down to receive my sentence. 

This is Moloch’s punishment by father’s orders.

How I know he delights in this...

“*Alis meis!!” I cry out. The language I’d always known spills from my lips imbued with anguish.

“*Paenitet me, Patris! Deum meum...” 

So apathetic from the shame… So exhausted from the punishment, my sister seats me on my throne before the scrying pool. She places a golden crown over my head - A heavy weight, and an even greater burden. Gilded and beautiful, this crown only symbolises the chains now placed on me.

A reminder to never act in disobedience. To always do as commanded…

But why just me? Why not the rest of my siblings?

I want to hate them so much, but father would know…

“This is the fate of Sahra’ Qael, sister… your mercy, your love, and your compassion have no place in this kingdom. None of that is your duty.”

“Then why did he make me to feel it?”

“Because he loves you.”

“He loves me…”

This is the burden I must hold for Him? Why?

I don’t think I can ever understand his motives… his intentions or his reasons…

I am nothing but a speck of sand in all that he has made.

I sit on a throne made from the bones of a Seraphym. The throne that I’ve sat upon for as long as I can remember. The throne fashioned from the bones that were torn from my back. Mine, and the others that came before.

My fingers coil around the golden feather in my hands. 

The only piece of myself that matters anymore… My last and only flight feather.

A sad reminder to me that I will never fly again. Never travel. That I will never be free again.

“Upon this throne, I sit and watch the world of man. This hurt, this pain… the more I think about it, the more I understand that I was never meant to be an angel of love and compassion.

“I am the watcher and arbiter over time… and the bringer of cataclysms and armageddons when the end of time is near. 

“This is the biggest of responsibilities. I am punished the most for neglecting my cosmic duty because I am responsible over the most important aspect of Father’s creations - the end of it.

“For new creations to be born, the old must die… 

“No one else can do this but me.

“Moloch goaded my actions to disobey… but I was the one who ultimately acted.

“Acted despite the wishes of my father…

“And the daunting realisation that hits me every time I sleep is that at the beginning of it all… it always was my own fault.

“I still pray that if I die in the cold embrace of sleep, that maybe father might find me…

“And that he will forgive my past.

“And he will take me home…”

\----

I wake up in the middle of a thunderous night. The strike of lightning pulling me right out of sleep.

I lay in bed staring up at the face I’ve grown accustomed to over all these years as a mortal.

The sickly pale skin and sunken eyes of this creature stare at me with sickening delight.

“Leave.” I spit.

I came to learn that this demon is considered a god in this world. Before I met Athena, I considered him and treated him as I would have any other lesser spirit.

But Morpheus is the god of dreams. He holds real power in this world.

It seems I am one of his favourites to excerpt that power onto.

When he first started appearing in my dreams, he was a beautiful winged man. A man after my own heart. I felt I was dreaming of home… of kin. The more I saw him, the more he changed to fit the image of others.

Callister… Agata. Then my siblings… now he takes on Zagreus’ image.

His grip loosens around my arms and lifts his weight off my body. He disappears silently like a shadow into the darkness.

I can finally breathe.

Out of all the people and creatures in this world, it is Morpheus who knows me most intimately… He feeds off my pain and my regret. He violates the privacy of my mind and manipulates my dreams to see what my life was like when I was immortal…

Such things he hungers for. And this is why he will never leave me be. At least, I think this is the case. Who can really say…

He never bothered to really talk to me.

I sit up in my bed and wipe away the damp from my eyes.

In my sleep, he is overbearing, abusive and so many other awful things... But in my consciousness, I am stronger.

I sit and think of Zagreus, and how easily Morpheus used him in my dreams to hurt me.

I miss him but at the same time, I want to hate him. 

I feel shame.

I feel shame in my desires for a man. For wanting him with me at every waking moment.

The thoughts of my Father make me feel like I’m spinning… This life I’m living would anger him if he knew. But part of me desperately hopes that he’ll understand that none of this was my intention…

That I really am trying my best.

I run my hand over my forehead and pull locks of hair away, massaging the tension from my head.

“If ever I regain my immortality, you will be the first thing I put an end to despite what anyone says. I swear it. I will hold back no amount of rapture from tearing you apart,” I say after Morpheus - not really sure if he’s even still around to hear me.

I see the sudden flash of lightning, a pause, and the thunderclap of it hitting the earth. Amidst its display, the glint of a golden coin catches my eye and I take it into my hands.

The coin Athena gifted to me when we last spoke.

Her words of wisdom filled my heart with immeasurable hope that day.

This is an unusual situation… If any of my other siblings were in my situation, would they be handling it as well as I am? Would they have gotten home by now?

I smile at the thought actually.

I hold a great love for mortals. Out of all my siblings, it is I who understands them best. It is I who watched over them. Though I despair at their pain, I know that they will only benefit in the grand scheme of Father’s plan.

But for now, as a mortal, I am happy. I believe that I am doing the best I possibly can in the situation, and I am good to others.

Of this, I am proud.

And I feel in my heart that I am not wrong to love while I am alive. My thoughts turn to Agata and Calister - the best family I’ve ever known.

And again I think of Zagreus, and this time I am at ease. I am not certain what kind of love it is, but I know that I do love him in a sense. A love that surely could grow if I gave it a chance.

A chance I hope I might have again before I die.

With a hastily beating heart and dryness in my mouth, I head to the kitchen to douse my nerves with wine. When I enter, I am surprised to see Calister sitting on the kitchen stool, swinging his legs. He looks up at me with wide eyes.

“I was hoping I’d see father come home…”

The simple statement breaks my heart. Poor Callister always waits here during the storms… hoping that someone he loves will return home to him.

I can’t help but share the sentiment.

I decide to serve us both a cup of wine and he looks at me with a naughty smile. Agata would never let Callister drink. But with it diluted with water, and Agata snoring away, I don’t see the harm. He sips at it with forbidden delight.

“Do you ever wish you could see your family again?”

I smile at him and comb my fingers through his wild hair.

“You and Agata are my family.”

“I mean your real family… Your mother and father.”

“I’m not as lucky as you… I never had a mother before Agata. But I do miss my father…”

“I miss mine too…”

I’m not sure what to make of Callister being fatherless… Agata never dared to touch that subject in conversation. I set my cup down and lean in to kiss him on the forehead. I rub his back in attempts to comfort him and he smiles a sad smile. Trying as hard as he can to hold back his tears…

Boys don’t cry…

But children should… I only hope that being here with him is enough to give him consolation.

“I know…” I reply eventually. He pops his cup down and gives me a hug. Tight and desperate. 

“You’re the only person who understands… I hope you won’t ever leave me.”

“Of course I wouldn’t leave you, Callister,” I reply as I hug him back, “I promised I’d be there to watch you grow up into Greece’s next hero, remember? I’ll always be right here.”

The boy's muscles relax and he lets out a deep breath.

“When I become a hero, my father won’t be able to ignore me. I’ll make him proud. And maybe he’ll be so happy with me, he’ll come home to mother… and we can all be together. You, me and them.”

I wish it would be so… I wish I could promise him that. But I can let him dream.

“Of course, Callister…”

What are my nightmares in the face of a child’s despair… Suddenly my own worries are less important. All I want is to bring this child some shred of pride in himself… some sense of self-worth.

If only he knew that he is worth more than he ever let himself believe.

We finish our wine, and I see my brother back to his bed. I sit by his side and look out the window, waiting as he requested…

I know his father won’t come back for him.

What is a mortal child to a god, anyhow?

This Chapter’s Footnotes:

*Alis meis!! - My Wings!! (Latin)  
*Paenitet me, Patris! Deum meum... - I’m sorry, Father! My God… (Latin)  
*Morpheus - is a god associated with sleep and dreams  [ https://greekgodsandgoddesses.net/gods/morpheus/ ](https://greekgodsandgoddesses.net/gods/morpheus/)


	9. Misconceived luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Zagreus returning home, he couldn't possibly have predicted the problems that would face him after his adventures on the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my friend for helping me get through writing this chapter.
> 
> I felt again like writing is like dragging myself through and out of deep mud. I decided I would take the time to read Theogony to get some more inspiration to continue to write this story.
> 
> Here's hoping I will get through this next chapter with my soul still in my body.
> 
> Sometimes writing despite bad days is hard. But finishing a chapter and presenting it to you gives me a lot of joy, and I will never give up!

Zagreus’ time on the surface, as well as his time with his mother, had to come to an end. Zagreus felt the grips of anger in his chest as he pulled himself, bloody and tired, out of the river Styx.

Instead of rushing off to begin his next attempt, he took the time to finally sit down.

This, of course, caught the attention of his friend and mentor - Achilles.

“This is very odd behaviour from you, lad,” he said as he sat next to the young prince.

“Sir… You wouldn’t believe it, but Chaos, he - he gave me the chance to be on the surface. I got to be with my mother.”

“Ah. A boon from Chaos, you say? How very unlike him to allow you such a privilege…”

“Why say that, sir?”

“Lad, you must know that Chaos is unpredictable and doesn’t do anything for the benefit of others unless it’s to amuse himself… you should know better than anyone that his gifts come with a heavy price.

“I know. I already paid the price necessary to earn that boon. But… with how you’re looking at me now, I can see you think there’s more to it, don’t you?”

“If you say the debt is paid, then I won’t go on about it, lad. But tell me, your mother - she’s well? I take it you enjoyed your time with her?”

Zagreus’ smile grew as he recounted his now fond memories of his time on the surface. 

“Her as well as another… Even despite having all that added time with her, I still have so much to say and ask Persephone… even so, she sent me to visit one of the towns. Nyx’s powers hid me, while I walked with the mortals in their city. They believed me to be one of them. It was… interesting.”

He sank deeper into his chair and let his head fall back and rest on the comfortable headrest, shutting his eyes with a satisfied smile. He told Achilles more about how his mother was fairing, about his trip to Athens, meeting a very kind family, a beautiful stranger, and a boisterous child. 

“My that is quite the adventure, lad. I am pleased that you got to have that experience while under the illusions of Nyx. Had the Olympians found you… why, I doubt you’d have had any chance to do anything other than eat, drink and be merry.”

The Olympians… Zagreus felt a tug at the back of his mind but reminded himself that he was careful. That he’d remained as inconspicuous as possible so as not to be found.

It would be better for his health for him to just push all that aside. He had more exciting things to talk about.

“Oh! I’d almost forgotten about this,” Zagreus jerked as he remembered something suddenly.

From within his toga, he pulled out the ornate feather he’d kept hidden in there and presented it to Achilles.

Achilles, in turn, took it gently and studied it with care, gently caressing the feather’s bristles with his thumb and index finger, feeling its strange silkiness and an echo of warmth it seemed to give off.

Achilles narrowed his eyes as he looked at it more closely.

“It was a parting gift from a friend I’d made…” Zagreus said with a sigh.

Achilles looked at Zagreus with a grin at his statement, and turned his attention back onto this strange gift, studying its golden clips, bits and bobs that decorated it.

“I think it’s supposed to go in your hair?” Zagreus commented.

“I would assume so… but this is craftsmanship I’ve never encountered anywhere in my time alive. I’ve never seen gold worked into such perfect and delicate designs. This truly is a remarkable gift and one you should keep very safe. I can’t imagine why someone would just give this away…”

And then Achilles realised and looked at Zagreus with a raised brow. Achilles looked a lot more serious now, and Zagreus couldn’t stop himself from shifting in his spot uncomfortably.

“Unless… It was gifted to you as a token of affection?”

Zagreus wondered what could be so wrong with that, and from the look on Achilles' face, he guessed he’d done something socially inappropriate…

“Zagreus…” Said Achilles in a soft grumble, “I know you mean well, and that you’re a good lad, but you could really hurt someone by accepting these sorts of things. I pray you didn’t make any promises you won’t be able to keep. Mortal lives aren’t long, and I’d hate to have you indirectly breaking someone’s heart. There’s nothing more painful than a wasted life over someone who will never return to you...”

Achilles gently handed Zagreus his feather and stood, making his way back to his post.

“I need to get back to my duties, now lad. I wish you luck on your next attempt to reach your mother. We should talk more when I’m on break.”

Zagreus made his own way through the house of Hades, through the great hall, the west wing and to his room, where he sat on the lounging chair. He’d never needed - or even wanted to - rest for sp long.

But he’d so much on his mind that he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet.

He arrived back in Tartaros with a heavy heart - as always. Though, it just felt so much heavier now. He was lucky enough at all to be able to reach his mother in her hidden sanctuary before perishing.

He couldn’t see any way he’d be so lucky to reach his - his what exactly..? What was she even to him? A friend? Merely a friend? 

But it felt like so much more than just friendship to him. She would be his… his what?

“What even am I to her?” He finally thought to himself, twisting the feather between his fingers. He felt the heaviness in his heart grow, and mentally slapped himself… this was what Thanatos meant when he said Zagreus didn’t know what impulses to act on, or which he ought to keep in check.

What had he done? In the spur of the moment, with tempting beauty and honeyed words, he told her to wait for him… He promised to come back someday, without even knowing how exactly he was supposed to be able to do that.

Achilles might be right. In his impulsiveness, Zagreus had made a promise he couldn’t hope to keep. It just wasn’t possible… But Zagreus was nothing if not stubborn.

And he’d try. At least he’d try.

\---

After some moments of moping around in his room to thoughts of his mistake. He concluded to just continue to do what he had always done. Attempt to escape again and again to see his mother.

He kept the golden feather clipped to his toga and went along his way.

Sure enough, the young woman was right when she said it would bring him good fortune. For not even a few chambers later, did Zagreus come across bigger bounties, better boons, fewer foes, and it even seemed to him that the guardians of the chambers seemed to be more apathetic and slower than usual.

Megera was one such example.

“Ugh… Let’s just get this over with, Zagreus…” She said with a sigh. Exhaustion swept on her features and she suddenly looked a lot less motivated to stop him.

“What? Not happy to see me, Meg?”

“Just… enough. I have better things to be doing than delaying you in this fruitless endeavour.”

Zagreus was surprised by this unusual behaviour in her, but he wasn’t about to let it stop him or let him drop his guard. The fight was over as quickly as it began and he found himself cruising along through the following chambers.

Whether this decorative feather was imbued with some divine and mysterious power or not, having it on his person surely made him feel more confident.

“You’ve been acting strangely lately, Zagreus. Well, more so than usual.” A voice resounded as the gonging of death’s bells tolled.

“Than,” Zagreus greeted, “Back again to help, are you?”

“If you’d prefer I didn’t, I can just leave now and save myself all this trouble.”

“Than, your help is always greatly appreciated.”

As was the usual whenever these two met up in the middle of some chamber, they competed as they fought off the oncoming hordes of the undead. Zagreus was winning by a landslide. His enemies just seemed to succumb to their demise. Before he knew it, all foes had been vanquished and death incarnate himself appeared before him.

The look on Thanatos’ face was indescribable.

“Zagreus… I’m not exactly sure what to say about this… sudden surge of ferocity you have in battle,” he commented with a badly-hidden grimace.

“I hardly feel any more ferocious than usual, Than…”

“You may not feel a difference… It doesn’t mean there hasn’t been some sort of change. Be careful. Something’s amiss with you, and I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

With another resounding gong, Thanatos disappeared in a flash of green mist before Zagreus even had the chance to blink.

Such comments were made about Zagreus throughout his run. Zagreus only noticed how easy it was to cut through the hordes of undead in each chamber. But others seemed to notice to a small degree, a change in Zagreus’ very being. The more he thought about it, the more unusual it seemed. Was this the work of this strange feather? 

“I’d hardly think a feather would make me so capable… The fates must’ve granted me some good fortune.” He concluded.

Several chambers later, he found himself in the presence of the goddess of love - Aphrodite.

Zagreus could’ve sworn if he weren’t already a denizen of the underworld, that his soul would’ve left his body.

“Well, now little godling. I’ve been looking around for you. My, you were harder to find this time. I have a word or two to say to you about you using our aid in these attempts to escape Hades…”

Zagreus swallowed hard.

“I’ve come to learn of a very lovesick individual on the surface… One whose thoughts seem to wonder about a man who has a striking resemblance to you... You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, now would you? I can smell something is going on, and I can very well let the others know.”

Zagreus couldn’t find the words. He slipped up. If Aphrodite didn’t know about what he’d been up to, she knew something was off, and she, at the very least, suspected him to be a liar.

“Surely, there are so many mortals on the surface that they would look similar sometimes, no?”

“I’d agree with you usually, little godling… But we’ll see. Now take my blessing and make your way to Olympus. The others are waiting patiently, but I feel that I am growing rather impatient with you lately.”

“Damn it…” Zagreus cursed under his breath after receiving Aphrodite’s blessing.

The next few moments moved past him in a blur, and all he could think about was that he slipped up. He put his mother in danger. He put his entire family in danger.

He was fighting even though his mind wasn’t in it anymore. His body just seemed to fight without him, and he was careless.

It wasn’t long until he found himself facing Asterius and Theseus in the ring, and Zagreus scorned to see Theseus’ egotistical smile as he fell in battle.

He’d done so well until this point.

But his earlier conversation with Aphrodite left him unable to think straight. He was angry and rushed into the fight headfirst. His carelessness cost him the fight.

He knelt down from the weakness of having his bones and muscles hacked to pieces. His blood pooled on the ground around him and the blackness of sleep consumed him.

When he emerged again from the River Styx, Nyx was the first person Zagreus rushed to see.

Nyx looked to the young prince with concern.

“I think they know… They know about mother…” He panted.

Nyx looked around the room for a moment, and touched his shoulder, guiding him to walk along with her out of sight.

Zagreus told Nyx about the conversation he’d had with Aphrodite, and what she said that made him so nervous.

“Aphrodite may know something, but cease your worrying, child. For she doesn’t know enough to make any accusations. She is a petulant child… tell the Olympians… tell them what exactly? That she found you in the dreams of one lovesick mortal? Dreams are nothing but fabrications child, and she would be a fool to believe otherwise. The truth, of course, must stay between us… Now calm yourself and try again to reach your mother. I will think more about this matter while you are away.”

Zagreus let out a stress-filled breath and his shoulders relaxed. He was about to walk to his room before Nyx stopped him.

“I know you cherish that little keepsake, but leave it at home for now. Such an item is unsettling… somehow.”

Zagreus agreed with Nyx, knowing that in all her years, she’d know best. And right now, the young prince wasn’t in any mood to argue. He felt he’d just escaped from walking on thin ice - he didn’t want to rouse any further suspicion. 

He walked past his room and to the courtyard, where he reluctantly had to let go of his new favourite keepsake and locked it in his glass cabinet for safekeeping.

He shut the cabinet doors and pressed his face to the glass. Feeling the heavy burden of love-longing. 

A strange and uncomfortable feeling for a god.

But he honestly couldn’t help it.

He had to push those emotions aside. He had to reach his mother again and somehow convince her to return back with him.

Things were looking more urgent now despite the comforting words of Nyx.

He was sure that, even with very limited knowledge on anything, the Olympians wouldn’t hesitate to make an enemy of someone or something out of mere suspicion.

Gods know live longevity would make you insane up there after a while.


	10. Eternal and Divine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are days where I wonder, "What the heck am I doing?" 
> 
> I forget sometimes just to write because I like it and because I want to.

“Sister…”

At first, I thought I just imagined it… But I swear my sister said something just then.

“Sister? You’re not listening.”

Oh!

With a moment of embarrassment, I turn to look at fair-haired Auriel. Her crimson eyes staring back at me with stern determination. She looks at me for a while, and I’m left having to ask the unasked questing. I hoped she’d just make it easier for me and just repeat herself on her own accord.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“First of all, just because you are a divine that doesn’t mean you have free reign to toss aside basic manners.”

“Sorry…”

“Well, alright,” she begins, “What I said before, was that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. This is your gift and responsibility. You should feel proud of having such an important role in Father’s kingdom.”

“I don’t know, Auriel… Being the bringer of the ‘End Times’ isn’t something most people would want to be known for…”

“Most people are mortals, sister. And what do they know? They don’t even know that they are stupid and ignorant. You are divine with an incredible purpose. Father wouldn’t have made you if you weren’t meant to be important.”

“You think so poorly of them… And maybe you think it is some incredible purpose… I feel it’s a massacre.”

“Well, it is. You’re still young, sister. When you get to know us and Father better, you’ll understand the cosmic design of his creations more. And you’ll understand why you are greatly needed. Oh, and if you spent as many millennia being Arbiter and sole embodiment of Justice and ethics as I have, you’d have a poor opinion of mortals as I do. Though, they have improved a great deal - I’ll at least give them that.”

She smiles and holds my shoulder with a crystalline-skinned hand. In quicker than a sec, she’s moved on to some other world to oversee its goings-on.

She’s always been a far greater divine than I.

Father created me to replace the previous sibling who held my responsibility. If I feel unwilling to carry out any aspect of my job now… I will end up the same. 

So I grit my teeth and bear it - doing the best I can to see the good in what I’m doing.

Father has given me the title of Sahra’Qael - the same as my predecessor.

I am the Seraphym of Eternities and Timelines, and the bringer of its end. I watch the vast worlds vigilantly and wait for the signs. 

And when it is time, I bring about the apocalypse. 

Such a heavy burden has always rested itself on my shoulders. Sometimes I wonder why Father hadn’t given me a love for destruction… a love for death and carnage.

“If you had a love for those things, you’d be barred from understanding the severity of your duty. You feel the pain so you will learn the importance of life so that you may not end it before its time,” was all Father would say. More patiently than usual in this case.

With Auriel’s lack of presence, I feel Father’s more strongly. Though I’ve known him all my life, I’ve never  _ seen _ him. But I feel his influence in all things. He is the sole driving force for everything that exists… and yet, I’ve always felt so distant from him.

Be this by his own ambition or my own lack of knowledge about him - regardless, I do not feel the same love and comfort that I know the mortals feel when he is near.

His intentions ring in my mind. The time has come for a world to end… but I can’t. I’ve come to love those mortals I’ve watched for all these years. I refused to obey the order, and instead of the cataclysm and disaster - instead of its destruction, this world fell into utter and absolute turmoil… 

I understood the importance of destruction then.

My negligence led the souls of the innocent to be damned for eternity… for the release of death to never come. Those poor souls would never know the bliss of freedom again. 

And it was all my fault.

Try as I may back then to right this wrong - once I’ve set something in motion, I couldn’t undo it or change it. It’s not my job to reverse fate… or change outcomes. 

This world of chaos and turmoil is the seat of my brother’s kingdom. This is the world of punishment and pain.

Moloch never shied away from thanking me - in his arrogant and condescending character. And father never let me forget. And as a painful reminder, Father never did get rid of that awful place. To do so would mean to forgive the unforgivable - and I would never deserve that.

At least, that’s how I remembered it the last time I let it cross my mind. The image before me, however… is better. Perfect, actually.

I feel the relief of forgiveness and the weight of regret is lifted. Father has forgiven and forgotten. I feel a smile grow on my lips.

My mortal lips…

When I realise I’m mortal, I’m pulled out of the memories buried deep in my mind, and into the world of the living. The world of Agata, Callister and Zagreus.

Agata is married… happy. I’m glad for her.

Callister is so big now. A hero. 

All around are happier than I’ve ever seen them be before. I am so grateful for this. 

But I know it’s too good to be true. It was almost believable this time.

“Morpheus,” I say as I hang my head and rub my eyes. I massage the joints in my fingers and with as much force as I could manage, I strike the air. When I open my eyes I’m back in my bed, facing that same pale face I’ve been waking up to in the middle of the night for the last seven years. 

My hand inches from his face with the painful grip of his fingers around my wrist. The grip he has on me and the paralysing weight lift as I come more and more into consciousness. 

“Every single day… You’ve tormented my dreams every single day. Why!? What have I ever done to deserve this?” I whisper through gritted teeth.

Morpheus monotonous stare turns into an alarmingly charming smile. He pulls my hand despite my tugging and kisses my palm. Before I even have the chance to strike with my other hand, he’s gone.

“That vile, evil… Ugh…” I growl as I sit up.

As has been my custom for years, I sneak past Callister’s and Agata’s room, quietly exit the house and sit against the wooden fence for some fresh air. The midnight stars always helped me gather my thoughts.

Part of me wished I’d see Father or Auriel up there.

That they’re looking down on the earth and watching over me as I used to watch over Father’s kingdom.

Despite it being the middle of a Greecian summer - the air has a bitter nip to it.

It’s always been cold here… since the day I arrived. Some days are just colder than others. How these poor people get anything to grow here is a miracle in itself.

The locals say that the endless cold was the work of the goddess of the harvest, fertility and presider over the sacred laws of the cycle of life and death.

Whether out of anger or negligence, the realm became incredibly difficult where not impossible to grow and nurture anything. 

It is said that the land suffers now because she is looking for her beloved daughter, and the world will never feel the warmth of the summer son until she finds her missing child.

Thankfully, I am not without my means. When you know the natural and supernatural laws of the universe, the cold isn’t much opposition. Back home, winter wasn’t the work of any divine being. Winter was the solution to the problem of poor soil. To allow the regeneration of the earth’s rich, nutrition-filled soil for the crops of the mortals, the clay with which they build their art and murals. Here, however, it’s unfathomably the outcome of some unknown woman not doing the job she’s supposed to, isn’t it? A bizarre and yet comedic thought in my own mind.

Though with such a chill on the air tonight, I already know to expect an early winter to come, and I have a feeling it will be a long one as well… but I’m not sure if I'll be able to stretch the limits more than I already have.

As I certainly suspected, winter was on us faster than anyone could imagine. No amount of preparation would help make this winter less severe on us.

Despite my late-night dreams - and how much worse they’ve become - Agata pushes me out of bed before the sun rises. With no crops, someone needs to hunt, and apparently, I have good eyes. If only I were a good shot. For all my boasting, I can’t land a hit on anything - much to the dismay of all of us.

My days are long… and sleep seems such a distant memory now.

Morpheus now troubles me with dreams of my own death. Awful deaths…

The weight of mortality is so real to me these past few weeks because I have been considering how Agata and Callister would fare in this winter without me… and the thought creates knots in my stomach.

I found it’s altogether better to avoid sleeping at all. My days are filled with the sorrow of surviving, and my dreams are filled with the fear of dying. 

I know he waits for sleep to overcome me. I feel him waiting outside the house looking in.

I didn’t expect to remain inconspicuous, though. Agata knew something was wrong since this winter began. It was when my body started failing to lift the firewood, or my fingers rattled in weakness while trying to mend the peplos that she started pushing for answers.

“I’m failing you… I’m failing Callister. I’m frightened…Evernight I dream of my own death. I can’t... I can’t leave you and Cal.”

I admit while we all sit by the fire. Agata clenches her jaw and asks Callister to watch the fire while she and I talk outside. She chokes on the lump in her throat and blinks away the welling tears.

“Paidí, I beg you. Please, you have to beg for your life with the gods. If the god of dreams is showing your death, that is prophetic… I can’t bear to think about it but…”

In a sudden rush of grief, I hug Agata.

I’m overwhelmed. Back home, dreams were merely the fears, desires, or fragmented memories of the mind. Here, dreams so easily become the future… I believe both Agata and I are certain about what my fate has in store for me.

“I can’t just throw away my convictions… everything I’ve ever known to be true… it’s never going to be that simple. But for you and Cal… anything.”

We were off to Athens in the bitter cold the very next day. In part, hoping to find more livable quarters and more than wheat and grains to eat. 

Under normal circumstances, I would never allow myself to eat crow like this. But my fear of abandoning my family far outweighs my needs to be right.

We are halfway to Athens when our cart is stopped by a group of three scruffy and degenerate men.

“You’d stop two women with a child on their way to sanctuary?” I ask as their apparent leader comes nearer.

“Winter’s harsh, and we all gotta do what we must to survive. Unfortunate that you happened to cross paths with me and my gang… but life ain't always fair, ain't it?”

The desperation in the pits of my stomach begins to boil into a familiar fury. My blood feels like liquid lightning through my veins.

“You’re content to kill us, for what little we possess? To waste precious life?”

“This world isn’t long, girly. All things must end sooner or later… we just happen to find ourselves at the tail end of our lives. Soon we all will go to the Underworld. But I’m not ready just yet, and as I said, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to survive this as long as possible.”

I lean over in my seat on the cart to face him and look right into his eyes. Locking his gaze to mine. I remember just how mere this mortal is to me. In all this struggling, I’ve forgotten who I am. 

I feel the resurgence rearing from the inner depths of my very soul.

“I know a thing or two about the signs of the apocalypse. Look into my eyes, and see who you are trying to kill.”

Into the mind of this fool, I cast the images of my true face, and its sight is so overwhelming for a mortal it begins to drive him mad. 

“No mortal can withstand the brilliance of a Divine.”

He drops to his knees and starts bleeding through the eyes.

“What’s happening to him? She’s a witch!!”

Some run.

Others ready their weapons against me.

Agata cracks the reins and commands the horse forward with such force, we’re all jolted in our seats. But the treacherous cold has made the stone path slippery and we’re thrown into the snow.

The instances are moving so fast I can’t focus.

The broken wheel of the cart, Agata pulling a frightened Callister to his feet. My own body stuck with pain that I cannot overcome…

I realise nigh too late the man raising his axe to my mother.

“Ughnn… Stop!” Not even the biggest brute can withstand the command. He stops. He stops entirely. My heart breaks at the terrified screams of a child who’s just witnessed his first death.

My ability… awoken… but too late. 

I try to get up, but my ribs hurt and I can’t catch a breath. I clench my fists within the snow in an attempt to keep myself upright. I’m so dizzy.

No matter the necessity, I can’t move as fast as I want to. With gritted teeth I watch the last of these imbeciles ready an arrow at a defenceless woman and her child. You’d think after the deaths of his comrades that he’d get the point and leave us alone. I loathe this side of human stupidity. With a growl, I stand, using my own body’s weight to force some momentum. All I need is to get there fast enough. I don’t care what happens after.

I soon find myself being held by Agata for support, and Agata looks at me with horror. I wish… I wish just this once… that I listened to her.

I can’t say a word to her. My throat bleeds… I taste the blood on my tongue. Feel it dripping into my lungs. The arrow passed clean through my neck.

Through the spine with such strength that I don’t even feel any pain. Just tiredness.

At least Agata has sense enough to realise that there’s nothing that can be done for me. She tries as gently as she can, with the limited time we have, to let me fall to the ground.

My head hits the snow, and I can’t even feel the cold.

I pray that my family will please just run. Run fast and far.

“I’ll be there… soon.”

But Callister resists the pulls of his mother. He doesn’t want to leave his sister behind.

That man dares to step over me and pursue them still.

He deserves the worst I have to offer with whatever power I still have.

“Turn your eye inward and look at the contents of your mind…” I mouth as I watch the back of his head.

He grips the back of his head and looks at me, confused and mortified, for indeed, his eye had turned to look within.

All mortals are the same when it comes to evil. None will admit it, none will see evil within themselves. Teach a man how to do good - the true meaning of what is truly good - and he no longer feels inclined to do evil…

But force him to look at his own evil.

“Look to the contents of your mind… the untouched, innermost evil. Your shame will overwhelm you… when you look in your mind, you will die from what you see in there.”

His screams are inaudible.

Once I forced his sight inward, I let go of my life.

I needn’t even try and kill him.

Even in the grips of death, I’m strong enough to get him to take his own life.


End file.
